It's 12.30AM... in a 13th May....

Why am i still not sleeping?
Had a long time in batheroom just now..
Soaking in the hot hot water, trying to think what have I done wrong....

THings are not going what I want recently...
Parents, Friends, Relationship... BLAH BLAH..

I gues.. lots of people are hating me now..
Including the Unknown person who is spamming my blog...

Anything can make me smile, anything can make me angry or sad...
Especially when someone I trusted so much did that...
I know that person is juz trying to be friendly..
Trying to be someone to help me out..

But the method he is using, make me unable to trust him anymore I think...
I have already forgive him... No doubts.. I dun like to hate people...

But... I am just wondering... why dun he wait till I am ready to tell him, rather than using such kind of method to get his answers? That is really harsh..

Listening to Yamada Ryosuke's Moonlight...
I started to weep...
It is suiting my current feelings....

I dont know why.... Not even Arioka Daiki, Chinen Yuuri, Yamada Ryosuke.. OR even Sakurai Sho could cheer me up...

I used to laugh at any variety shows done by them.... ESP when I am emo-ing..
But i gues.. this is not working for me now....

Why am I like this?
I started to trust too many people..
Now.... everything is telling me.. Not to trust....

So.. lesson learnt is... Not to trust......

I shall go invisible for tomorrow....
If I dont talk to you, please dun get offended.. I nid a day... a time.... to clear the thoughts...
I nid sometime, to get the doubts out..

Will anyone sort it out?
I doubted... I scroll down my phone list in my HP...
Then.. I realised how pathetic I am.....

No one in the list, is someone I could call.....
NONE!

It seems like... I am losing the real soul of me...
I am now searching for the Happy SiSi....

I used to think that...... Sadness is my trademark..
But recently.. when I smile and laugh into the mirror.. I find myself looking nice with that...
But... Now.. I cannot find them... Not even in the mirror....

Maybe it will come back after this period...
Time will finish everything...

I shall just let this go off silently and slowly...

Dun worry.. I am not hating anyone..
In fact.. I am hating myself...

奈々子、笑って！
約束ね？
頑張って！

Lots of love,
SiSi