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| When can i be my ownself?
Wednesday, December 9, 2009 | 11:27 PM | 0 Sweet Cupcake
I juz realised, recently a lot of things happened..I cannot be myself.. I wanted to be my true self.. But i juz cannot.. I had to bear responsibility to almost everything.. Family, friends, Work, Studies... I want to cry, stone, emo and even be angry.. But i cannot.. Cuz i know.. some people juz need me more than i need them.. I keep telling myself.. I need to be strong enough so that people can depend on me.. but now, i am really tired.. I want to depend on ours as well! But i dun know how to... I guess i am too used to let others depend on me.. Yes.. i may be a little stubborn at times.. but deep inside, once i care for that person, i will care with all my heart.. But sometimes, when you are alr hurt, you stil have to act like nth happen. its tough.. Its as if testing my own patience and endurance.. I want to cry.. But parents wun even bother.. Everytime the tears want to come out.. i juz had to suck it back... Everytime i want to vent my anger out.. It juz cannot come out.. cuz i know.. if i do.. the whole situation will go crazy... Everytime i want to throw tantrum... I juz held on.. cuz i scare people will get pissed off with me.. I guess everything to me.. is how others think about me.. I dun know why am i so conscious about what i am doing.. I dun know wad has really gotten into me.. I really hope one day. i could juz sit down and cry the hell out of me.. because i want to be a normal person who has the feelings. and not acting out everything... BUt for now.. myself is not so important alr.. wait till its time....... Lots of love, SiSi |
