Princess Confessions

2012-01-26T00:22:00.001+08:00

今天,我們又吵架了.

發現了嗎?這已經是我們在第三月裡的第幾次了?

不知道為什麼,我今天非常的受傷...就因為這句話： if you are so good, then go solo lor...

知道嗎，我覺得很受傷，就好像你非常看不起我的感覺。雖然我知道，我有很多地方不如你，但是我也在很努力,希望可以配得上你.. 可是這一切,都因為你的那句話給抹掉了...

我,在認識你之前,是一個天不怕地不怕的人. 可是你知道嗎? 我現在很害怕.. 害怕哪一天，你會不會像喜歡我一樣，很快的就不喜歡我了...

我在乎，我害怕，有時候甚至會因為你而放下很多的想法，甚至是我的驕傲...

可是，當你說你因為你的驕傲而不願意和我打電話，我真的很傷心... 原來，你可以因為自己的驕傲，而完全不顧我的感覺... 連一句安慰的話也沒有..

現在我就好像是沒有刺的刺蝟... 心裡的不舒服，已經沒有人可以說了... 因為你不喜歡，所以我都憋在心裡，希望我們可以有一天可以說清楚...

你曾經問過我：為甚麼現在的我那麼小心翼翼？為甚麼動不動就說對不起..

因為我在乎.. 所以我會小心翼翼...

有時候，我就是喜歡做一個寵壞的小孩子，希望你可以哄一哄... 可是你的自尊和驕傲，讓你沒辦法這麼做.. 我理解... 所以很多時候,我會自我安慰...

有時候，在學校裡，我會覺得，我們很像是兩個世界的人... 我一直覺得我不如你.. 有時候，我覺得我很棒的東西，你卻會開始給一些意見，讓我覺得我真的很糟糕..

你, 在學校會那麼的有名，走到哪裡，都有認識的人...
可是我，走到哪裡都覺得很拘束... 因為不可以給你丟臉，我莫名的覺得有點失落...

我想找回我的刺... 可是，已經找不回來了... 再也找不回來了... 但是如果你願意，就給幾句安慰的話，對我來說，就已經足夠了... 可是，會嗎？可能嗎？

Needa vomit it out

2012-01-02T11:08:00.000+08:00

Okay.. i thought that 2012 is gonna be an awesome year because i spend awesome with Baby that day.. went Sentosa, had good food, watched movie... But things aint better after that.. (yea.. sadly)

okay.. DISCLAIMER: below content are purely my blur-out words.. only valid at this point of time.. might or might not be about anyone or shooting anyone..

I feel like i am in a breaking point where i am sick and tired of what is happening to me.. Yes.. maybe i am not cherishing what i am having.. maybe i am being greedy about life.. YES.. maybe.. but there are thing in life that i want as well..

when you told me that i am not ambitious enough.... not being joke.. i am hurt..
when you told me that do you have something that you wanted badly in life? desperately in life? that even when you will dream about it...

All i can say is.. YES.. I HAVE.. everyone has a dream.. everyone has an ambition.. everyone has a direction of life that they wanna go.. but there are things in life that will block you from doing it.. Reality.. Parents.. People around you.. MANY THINGS...

I believe the time that we went for RAMEN session, i told you what is my ambition.. what is my dream.. But there are times, i have to give up.. There are times that i have to let it go....

Parents.. they want me to get a stable job, get a good guy and married and have my own family.... But i want something more.. but do i have a chance of getting it? Do i have a chance of doing it? NO.. i dont..

I love dancing.. i love to be on the stage.. I have a chance once.. but i couldnt take it.. because they dont want me to be in this mess.. they even threaten me if i take it.. i will lose them.. do i have a choice? i have to give up..

I want to be in the forensic area.. i work so hard for it.. but my parents thinks that no future.. they didnt want me to branch into that..

I always look for things that i love to do.. but i always dont get it.. WHY? because they feel that NO FUTURE!!!

Because of being realistic.. having the NO FUTURE mindset.. i dont have a chance to try out.. i dont have a chance to do so many things.. No matter how desperate i was.. i cant take it..

You know i have an offer.. but i turned it down.. WHY.. because my parents want me to stay here in Singapore.. or even out to other country.. and not BACK THERE... Do i have a choice? NO..

Because every time i want it.. they will use things like.... Family or what you want.. WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE? i believe you would wanna choose family eh?

Maybe to you.. I am like a spolit brat.. complaining about my life... complaining about my parents.. complaining about what i am going through every single day.. comparing to you.. all my issues are like tiny small bits.. YES.. I agree.. i dont ever deny that.. i agree with it....

Maybe to you.. your issues are more than i can handle.. but it is not about the handling part.. is about sharing and helping each other out.. If because we are not in the same frequency, we stop sharing.. then what is this all about?

I am trying my best to get to your frequency sometimes.. but.. sometimes, i couldnt.. maybe we really have a gap in between us that is trying to give up problems?

We see things differently.. due to our different experience.. will it ever meet one day?

sometimes i hate to be me myself... i hate myself being so timid and useless.. but to me.. family is more important.. i am sorry.. i guess this is the problem with girls? I can do many things.. i know i am capable of it.. i know i am able to do many things with my ability.. but what can i do? what should i do?

I hate my life too.. very much..

phew.. enough of the blabbling.. maybe whatever i write might hurt.. whatever i write might make certain people feels that i am unreasonable or i am a TOTAL BITCH! or i might even make you dislike me.. or hate me or even feel like.. " this bitch is hopeless.. im not gonna talk to her ever" or this post might even change you all along thought for me..

All i can say is.. IM SORRY.. but this is what i am feeling at this moment.. at this point of time.. if i really mean to hurt you.. i am sorry..

Lots of love
Nanako

Goodbye to 2011, Hello to 2012

2011-12-31T19:51:00.001+08:00

Its the last day of 2011.. And before i welcome the new year 2012, i would like to do a little flashback, or a little recall of the things that i have done or gone through in the year of 2011..

Irene's 9th Birthday(Jan)

Irene's birthday.. Of course, May still around with us..

May's Birthday (Feb)
May's last birthday over here in Singapore.. She has been with us for the past 4 years.. even though she had done many things that i made me pissed off.. but overall she is a good friend, a good listener.. She is there for me no matter what happened and listen to me complain no matter what happened..

Holiday @ Sunway Lagoon (May)

Went Sunway Lagoon with family and had an awesome time there.. Even though without 3G is an ass for me.. but i managed to get what i needed at that time and managed to contact people! YAY! HAHA XD

Got my driving license (May)

Got my license a day before my bday.. This is like the BEST PRESENT EVER!! <3 Yes.. i managed to be able to drive around Singapore when i am 18.. :P hahaha.. Okay la! i played cheat! hahaha.. And i am so happy because i managed to pass on first trial!! YAY! so i m happy.. ^^

Radio DJ Audition (May)

I went for Radio DJ audition organised by MediaCorp with Nirija... Just for the fun of it of course.. :P HAHA.. Went to Orchard Central and tried out the audition for it.. :)

So You Wanna Be A DJ Top 8 Photoshoot (June)

Selected for SYWBDJ Top 8! It was the best experience ever.. And i managed to know A LOT OF AWESOME FRIENDS!!! Had my first studio photoshoot.. And its like AWESOME? haha.. Managed to meet awesome friends like Kenneth, Xiaoyun, Jingting, Lixin.. And we made awesome friends.. Of course not forgetting the 98.7FM peeps..!!!

So You Wanna Be A DJ Press Conference (June)

Went for the SYWBDJ Press Conference! It was the most awesome experience EVER! Managed to see awesome people in the radio industry.. Not yet a celebrity.. but i feel like one of course.. People nowadays know me as 933 DJ.. haha.. even though i am not in it.. HAHHA.. How cool is that? hahaa.. :P

Having myself featured in the TODAY newpaper with ton lots of other people! Althought i am like in the corner.. but it is still afterall an interesting experience! YAY! :)

SYWBADJ 1st Episode (June)

In 933 Studio, getting ready for the first EP of the DJ contest... It was an overall awesome one.. I managed to pass through the first round.. Although nervous, i managed to go through this.. and made it to the next round! YAY!

SYWBADJ 2nd Episode (June)

Didnt made pass the 2nd round.. but this is afterall an interesting and exciting experience for me.. to know a lot of people.. and gone through what i have never been going through.. Its an experience that no one could snatch it away from it.. No one could ever take it away.. I can label it as MY MEMORY, MY EXPERIENCE..

FYP in process (July)

Everyone working hard for FYP.. although it is being a BITCH to everyone of us.. but we enjoyed the process.. even though there are complains, unhappiness among the group.. But.. of course.. there are happy things going through when we work together.. LOVE YOU GUYS! <3

SYWBADJ Finals ( July)

Theres always a start and an ending to life.. So goes to events.. For this.. we have a grand finals.. with both YongSheng and Heyi.. Heyi is the big winner.. but everyone in the top 8 are winners.. We are all winners.. because we gained experiences, friendship through this experience! And i am glad that no one who win in this contest, we will give each other support.. :)

1st Event hosting in White Sands! (August)

Its a 2 day hosting event but this is the 1st experience ever.. Hosting for Kidz Academy for SPHere.. Thanks to Jingting, I managed to have this experience.. :) I enjoyed every parts and bits of it.. and enjoyed everything of it..

Teaching in Tanglin Secondary School (September)

Went to TSS and taught Maths.. And met a bunch of awesome kids.. spent hari raya with them wearing their traditional costume! YAY! how awesome is that eh? HAHA.. had fun!! Teaching is tough.. but its a great challenge.. and i enjoyed every bits and parts of it!

Kish's Wedding and GOR gathering! (September)

Kish's wedding was held in a very beautiful mosque.. Had a chance to meet up with everyone in GOR.. and it is an awesome thing! Took many awesome pics of course.. and enjoyed ourselves.. It has been a while ever since we met each other..!!

Deepavali @ Nirija's place (October)

Deepavali in Nirija's house with Yunita.. Changed into traditional costume.. and i think i look awesome in that! HAHA.. had a lot of fun that day..!!

Radio Awards (November)

Met up with most of the top 8 and had an awesome and wonderful night.. Managed to witness The Muttons' hosting skills and managed to experience LIVE TV!

1st Jamming Session with Church Mates for Worship! (December)

Went jamming for worship.. and had an awesome time with ALL.. although Jason is not in the pic.. but i think he wun mind la.. :P HAHA.. We girls are AWESOME! Yea? haha

1st Christmas Celebration with Baby <3 (December)

Went Sentosa and spent some times there! YAY! Had an awesome day.. but was aching cuz of the stupid heels.. Although we are both BUSY people.. But we will always have time for each other.. Even though we always have some issue.. but we know we are there for each other.. :) LOVE YOU LOTS BABY! <3

Snow City with Irene AT LAST! (December)

Snow City was fun.. although something happened in the end.. but to Irene, its like a AT LAST!! Promised her since holiday start.. and i finally managed to do what i promised at the last day of 2011!!! I feel proud of myself.. :P

Lastly... APPEARANCE CHANGES since JAN-DEC

Start of new term in SP

During K session..

Sunway Lagoon Trip

During Birthday

Photoshoot

Press Conference

In Pajamas

looking cute

New haircut

with baby's jacket:P

Deepavali 2011

Looking sian

Acting Cute

Radio Award

Chio-er alr..

With Purii...

Okay.. i realise i like to act cute.. :P HEHEHE......
But i realise i become chio-er liao.. MUHAHAHA!! 女大十八变嘛..
Okay.. i am alr 19.. but i m forever 18!!

2012 wishes...

1. Pass my poly life with a good graduation..
2. Be happy with BABY.. hehehe.. :P
3. Play back my Piano!!
4. Get an awesome job..
5. SLIM DOWN!!!!!!!!!!
6. Be chio... and go for GRADUATION TRIP!!!!

I think thats all for what i can think of? Okay.. its a freaking long post.. but most of it are pictures.. hehehehe...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! wishing all the best in everything!!

LOTS OF LOVE
Nanako

Christmas WISHES!!!

2011-12-13T22:31:00.002+08:00

Christmas is coming in.... hmmm... like me count.. 12 days~~~!!!
Cant wait for Christmas to come.. CUZ.. i m gonna exchange presents with Beatrice, Weiyi (not sure yet though), Yunita and Nirija!! OF COURSE.. my dearest family!!! XD hehehehehehe.....

Wellll..... i have nth to do.. cuz weiyi is not around!! :( He went Kanazawa, Japan for some school trip.. So he's only gonna be back like.. in... 9 days and still counting down.. Luckily he talked to me through whatsapp and msn.. if not i am so gonna go crazy in missing him.. :P hehehe...

Welll... Okay.. let me think.. what am i wanting the most.. hmmm.. okay...

1. Matching bra and undies.. hehe.. :P
okay.. i dont like the model.. but i do love the pattern of the bra.. ESPECIALLY when its PINKK!!!!
as for what size, ask me personally la hor.. I'm not gonna publise for the whole world to know.. :P

2. Dresses!
I always love long dresses.. but mummy always say i dont look nice in it.. CUZ I AM SHORT!! :( hmmph.. so i wanna wear it sometimes.. :P
The second one was just purely cute luh.. no doubt.. and i think i wear liao will nice? BUT I PREFER THE PINK ONE!! :P hehehe..

Okay.. i seriously think i got serious obsession with PINK stuff.. this is like a SINCE YOUNG THING!!!

3. Wedges

Okay.. i love wedges.. cuz its not tiring to wear them.. and it makes me look taller.. BY A LOT!!! But i prefer those wedges, with the grass being plaid together kinda feeling... it just made the whole thing looks nicer by a lot.. but i think this pattern is cute? HEHE.. but idk if i really fit on me though..

4. Heels

Yess.. i am so obsessed with it as well.. :P hehehe.. but i have no particular design in mind.. but i do have a colour in mind.. WHICH IS RED!!! waaa.. thats gonna be so sexy.. hopefully on me as well.. :P hehehe

5. Belts

Was hoping to get a belt for my dresses.. cuz i love wearing belts? High waist somemore.. it will just makes myself looks skinny and with more shape? but i do prefer black ones? cuz it make the waist looks even smallerr!!!!

6. Accessories

Yes.. I am so into accessories.. RINGS, BRACELETS, NECKLACES.. hehehe... i just LOVE accessories!! haha.. any of them just made me feels happier.. WAY HAPPIER!! WOO!

7. Bags

Okay.. this should be in my TOP listing.. cuz my current one CUI.. :( but i also dk which style suits me the best.. HAIS.. shall see how luh..

Hmm.. okay.. its getting late.. and i better get sleeping cuz i promised weiyi i m gonna be a good girl, sleeping early and on time.. :P

Please tmr also gonna meet up with FYP to settle some stuff.. HAIS.. i shall not go into it cuz it just will ruin the whole mood of mine.. after chatting with weiyi.. Shall make my night an awesome one.. ^^

Lots of love
Nanako

2011-11-28T01:49:00.001+08:00

Yes i do.. even though we are 2 opposite people, i still love you like the first day i fell for you..

However, it seems like something is happening between us recently that i cannot force myself to neglect it or act like i couldnt see.

i feel that you are upset with me.. but you never say it out.. Instead, you kept quiet, you walk off, leaving me alone at a place and then come back. At that point of time, i felt like i LOST THE WHOLE WORLD.. I felt like I am a deserted dog. I felt that you could just walk away from me this easily.

I kinda miss the old me, where i have myself, and only me in mind. Maybe having you in my mind is sometimes a bad thing, but i never regret doing so.. But i just hope you could tell me what is really inside you. No matter if i made you angry or whatsoever, you could tell me straight. Because i love you for who you are. Maybe sometimes, i am too straightforward, or i am too blunt in the certain things i say, and it is something i cant change that quick, but please dont walk off like this.

Frankly speaking, sometimes, i dont know what to say to you. I am so scared and afraid that the next sentence that came out of my mouth might make you get angry with me. Because of me, just being so unintentional, it made you angry. Although at times, i feel that you are really unreasonable, i do understand that you are undergoing too many things. I should be more understanding by understanding you, listen to you, wait for you and be patient, instead of saying harsh things or nasty, straightforward things to you.

Sometimes, i look into the mirror and wonder: Where is Guo Sisi? Where is she? Why is she suddenly becoming like this? And everytime looking at our picture, i know the reason why i have become like this. Although sometimes, i might feel "why the hell am i taking all these?" but i know you are tolerating me and enduring me as well. Hence, i shouldnt expect much either.. isnt it?

Even though i miss my old self.. but myself changing for you is also not bad? i guess, i need sometimes, to think about how to change myself.. If only then.. we can be happier.. we can last longer.. i guess this is all i can say for today..

Lots of love,Nanako

Things just like to add on more and more

2011-11-20T21:56:00.001+08:00

All along, i thought that FAMILY is something that will always be with you no matter what happened.... MONEY will never buy you FAMILY love... But this time round, it is very different.. The LOVE that i used to believe, is no longer there...

I just want to grab hold of the memories that i used to have at that house.. This is so simple.. I dont care how valuable that house is.. BUT.. to me.. this is a place filled with memory.. A place that i will not forget.. A place that i have FEELINGS FOR!!

I will NEVER EVER... NEVER EVER.. let go of this place.. No matter what happened, i will NOT..

i guess this is the best i can do?

I seriously think of changing phone number.. so that they COULD.. NEVER find me and talk to me about it.. Not picking up is just purely rude.. Or maybe i should just ignore? Maybe i should.. shall try it some day.. HEHE..

OKAY~ i feel way better now.. after saying out... How i wish i can just tell him.. But i dont know how to start.. LIKE REALLY DONT KNOW!!!! how?! how?! haiss... :(

Updates PART 2

2011-11-19T19:37:00.001+08:00

YUP.. i am back from my hosting @ HOUGANG MALL...

Today's hosting is PRETTY hectic.. especially the first programme.. That is really tiring.. And it has been a LONG TIME ever since i hosted.. I think the previous time is during the start of holidays.. HMMMM.. yea.. i think so too.. AND.. i remember it is at PARKWAY PARADE.. YAY!!! heheheeee...

Okay... followed up with what happened........ with my lives for the past few months...

HALLOWEEN HORRORS 2011

Trying to look Vampire-ish but kinda like EPIC FAIL...

Trying to act SNSD...

Trying to act SEXY..

Act even more SEXY!!!

Yes.. i am being selected for the Halloween Horrors 2011.. But unfortunately, this programme is being CANCELLED OFF... by the horrible Isabella SOH... She cancelled this event when it is just 1 or 2 weeks before the commerce of it.. But well.. it is the end of it.. AND the event group actually decided to have a appreciation party.. and we were supposed to dress up.. I wanted to look like some VAMPIRE.. but in the end.. it is like EPIC FAIL cuz... my fangs kinda keep dropping and everything.. HAIS.. SIAN... but anyway.. had a lot of fun in the end in the toilet.. CAMWHORING!!!! Had many fun... YAY!

Deepavali @ Nirija's house

ME.. with Nirij'a necklace.. CHIO RIGHT?!

YUNITA AND ME... in Indian costume.. I think i look nice eh.. idk why also.. HEHE..

Me with my hair pinned up.. cuz wanna show my earring.. BUT.. like FAIL again..

CAMWHORE with Yunita.. SEE?! SHE HUGGING ME EH!!!

Deepavali at Nirija's house.. It is fun.. Ate traditional Indian food at Nirija's house and disturbed her about her and Reghu.. HEHE.. seriously it is just meant to be a joke.. hehe... Weiyi wanted to come alone de.. but sadly, he had something on.. But in the end, we still managed to hang out after that.. Anyway.. Deepavali with Yunita and Nirija was fun.. It is a pity that Hanafi and Weiquan is not around with us.. cuz we had a lot of fun.. dressing each other up.. dolling each other and then kajiao each other more!!! HEHEHEHEEEEE....

BABY FUJI playing with me

CUTE EH?! hehe

She looks like she is in wrong!!

SO CUTE!! hehehe..

Recently, I am having a lot of time.... so i will always play with my baby girl.. She used to be my "DUSTBIN" where she will always listen to all my problems.. and she will stay by my side.. BUT NOW.. i am always playing with her.. And she is always happy.. because ME is happy!! hehehee.. You should know who we should thank eh? hehehehe.. :P

ALRIGHT!!! i think that is all? nothing much already..

I PROMISE.. that i will come up or a regular basis.. I PROMISE!! :P hehe

Lots of love,Nanako

Updates.... PART 1 if you wanna know more

2011-11-19T00:01:00.007+08:00

Okay.. i haven been up here for like AGES! Yes.. i know.. AGES.. well.. many things have changed for me.. Maybe to some of you.. It is not a good change.. but to me.. i think it is a good one?

1. I am in the LAST SEMESTER of POLY LIFE!!! YAY!!!! hahaha!

Yes.. this is the LAST SEMESTER.. And i am working extremely hard.. to get a good grade.. i seriously dont wish my GPA to go any lower..... I hope to go Uni.. But still thinking which Uni to go to.. Overseas, or local.. With my GPA, its kinda hard to go local isnt it?

Another issue to taken into to consideration, which course should i go for? Humanities? or Engineering? Frankly speaking, I am kinda sick and tired of Engineering.. But i still do have deep interest in Biology.. Well.. maybe you can say Anthropology, or even Psychology?! Or maybe Social Science? Or even media studies!! Well, it is a complicated moment for me now.. So i decided to clear myself out of this.. Who knows i will get to know what i want after some times? Lets pray for me alrights?

2. I am NO LONGER SINGLE

Yes.. this means that I AM ATTACHED.. well.. who is it eh? HMMM.. okay.. this is seriously irony.. and it is a LONG story.. but we managed to have a HAPPILY EVER AFTER for now.. :) I am happy when i am with him.. Even though he is always not available to hang out with me, date me.. but i understand his position and stand.. I guess, being a girlfriend has to be understanding enough eh? Shouldnt be TOO DEMANDING.. And easily contented should be my priority.. I think, this will make me happier too?

We have been through 1 month already.. And still going pretty steadily.. Thanks to him, I am not skipping my classes, I am on time for classes.. (Except for certain classes of course.. hehe.. :P) But most of the time, i am listening attentively..

Really wanna be grateful to him about that.. THANK YOU BABY <3 You really made me feel so loved.. And it is fortunate to have you around.. no matter how FUCKED UP situations are.. Even though, i MAYBE unreasonable sometimes, but dont get angry with me k? HAHA..

3. Hosting events

Yes.. ever since the DJ hunt, I start my hosting journey.. Well.. even though i am a NOOB in it.. I am still trying my best to learn it well.. Thanks to JINGTING for introducing LOBANG for me..

Okay.. the photo a bit like out of shape.. *ignore!!!!* hehehe..

Tomorrow i am going to have another event at HOUGANG MALL.. this is seriously far away from my house.. LAKESIDE.. But i think its still alright la..

4. Attended Kish's Wedding and met up with most of the GOR friends! YAY!!!

Yes.. Kish is married.. And went to the mosque to attend her wedding.. I have to say.. SHE IS GORGEOUS! And really hope that her married life will be a happy and blissful one.. YAY!!!!

Yup.. Met up with Haqeem.. And Nurul.. And also Yongquan and CHEEYANG! Okay.. Cheeyang had a HUGE change.. i still remember when i just met him 2 years ago.. he is SUPER quiet.. but now, he is SUPER hyper.. what a great change eh? HAHA.. afterall, it is an awesome day!!

5. Teach in Tanglin Secondary School and attended bella's Hari Raya House Visiting

Yup.. Other than hanging out with friends during the holiday, i also went to work.. AS A RELIEF TEACHER.. in Tanglin Secondary School.. And i made many nice people.. And 1T1 is one of the AWESOME class.. I went to one of them's house, for Hari Raya..

I think i look pretty cute in this blue Malay Traditional Costume.. YEA?! HAHA.. Thanks to Bella for this awesome pretty costume! I had a great fun over at her house and her relatives house! YAY!!

6. A change in my HAIRSTYLE!

Yup.. I changed my hairstyle.. Close friends should know that i have A BLOCK of hair on my head.. This made my hair looks BIG.. and HEAVY.. so mummy decided to let me cut LAYER.. WOO! and now.. i think i look like a SMALL KID..

okay!! I KNOW! i am FAT! and i really look like SMALL KID RIGHT?! do you know that i actually have small kid, asking me if i just ended school, and even ask which primary am i from!! O.o how shocking eh? HEHEHE.. :P

I think that is all for myself? OKAY.. i have a lot more actually.. BUT I AM LAZY!!! TOMORROW LA! hahhaa :P

Maybe give a little bit of SNEAK PEEK? * okay.. as if anyone would actually come and see my blog.. >.<*

I really need to go sleep.. Cuz i promised Weiyi that I am gonna sleep EARLY tonight.. LIKE NOW?! so I am going to bed..

GOOD NIGHT FOLKS! Have a sweet dream tonight!! hehehe..

Lots of love,Nanako

updates

2011-08-14T02:56:00.000+08:00

Hais.. sian..

Yes.. i haven been up updating about my life.. well.. i have being FUCKING BUSY!
Piling up a lot of stuff.. EXAMS, ASSIGNMENTS, REPORT, TESTS! seriously i need a break..
Especially when mummy and daddy are both out of town.. and now.. its the 7th month..
cannot stay overnight outside.. cannot slack outside.. SIAN TTM...
HAIS AR....

But luckily, i got HZGG to accompany me.. HAHAHA~~

Finally.. YONG QI AND XIAOYANZI together liao~~ woo..
that ep made me high like siao man.. HAHAHA..
cuz they are like FINALLY TOGETHER!!
and yong qi damn sweet pls.. HAHAHA

alright.. shall catch some sleep le..

todos~

Life without you

2011-07-26T18:34:00.002+08:00

It has been a while since i'm having my life without presence.. or rather, not seeing you..
I have been busy.. busy with many things..

1. Assignments
2. Church Musical
3. Dance
4. Music editting
5. Halloween Horrors
6. Office Work

So many things piling in my life, making me too tired to think about you... Even though i hope to see you around, but i still hope that i will not.. YES.. i am being contradicting.. but i guess this is what i am feeling inside of me.. And it is the most truthful side of me... Sometimes, i wish that time would rewind and go back to how we were used to be.. But i know that this is not possible.. the only thing i can do is to continue my life, continue my smile. And be happy with what i am doing.. :) I hope you are the same too ^^

Okay.. I am now SUPER into this chinese drama.. 13 years ago, it is being shown on TV.. and it is like the HOTTEST DRAMA ever.. haha.. and now, a new version of it is out.. AND I AM STILL ADDICTED TO IT!!

Okay.. the left side is the Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi from the new version of HZGG where as the right side is from the old one..idk how to say.. but i kinda think that both pair are AWESOME.. haha.. the new version's Yong Qi looks cute.. ahaha.. ESPECIALLY WHEN HE IS JEALOUS

Left side is Ziwei and Erkang from the new version while the right is from the old.. i think i prefer Ziwei from the old version more? HAHA.. erkang too.. hehehe.... but the new version ones are prettier.. ^^

Of course in the new version, there are new characters.. And this new character is UBER CUTE!

This is 班杰明 in the drama... Apparently, he is in love with Xiao Yan Zi.. and he is freaking CUTE!! hahaha... XD

The main cast from the old version and new version.. HAHA.. i think both side have their good points? Especially the emperor.. the old one got majesty feel.. whereas the new one is cuter.. hehehe

OKAY.. i am totally IN LOVE with the new version cuz of the story line.... Cant wait for the next 2 ep to come.. HAHA..

but before that.. i will get back to my work..

Lots of love
Nanako

Learning to let you go..

2011-07-20T17:00:00.002+08:00

I have to say something that really upset me...
I still cannot let you go.. I dont know why.. But it is just so hard!!

Is it possible that it is a crush only? Or am i really in love with you?

How i wish you could just be more cruel to me....
Like you can just ignore me.. And dont care for me... Dont ever care if i actually had my lunch.. Dont ever care if i actually got scolded by my parents or not.. Dont ever care to talk to me or say hi to me when you see me..

I really just hope that by the end of the year 3, i can forget you...
I really dont see the point of you continue to care for me, when you have nth for me AT ALL!!
You are just making me feeling more attached to you.. You are just making me feel that i might have the chance...

If you dont wanna let me have the wrong idea, please just leave me.. make me feel like you dont care for for me at all.. If only like this, i can let go of you slowly.. bit by bit...

I will work hard.... to forget you.. and let you goooo...

worship in Singapore life church

2011-07-17T11:05:00.001+08:00

Right now I'm at Singapore Indoor Stadium.. Having my worship.. I have to say.. It's kinda like boring.. But I'm actually looking forward to ice skating later.. LOL

I really hope that Today I can have a good day.. And learn something from today's worship...

And I really hope.. I can learn to let u go.. :(

And hope that GOD could be on hold of my life

I need a NEW LIFE

2011-07-17T03:29:00.001+08:00

I told myself that I have to live well without you.. But apparently, I don't do it as what I said... I thought I could let u go.. But I couldn't...

Seeing ur friend posting ur pictures on Facebook, made my mood go from high to low...

Do u know I actually spend 25 bucks to make myself happier today? I didn't know I will do that... But I just did.. And I realized that I'm back to how I was when I got cheated by the first guy I confessed...

I don't why I am back to my old self.. But I know this isn't something good u wanna know.. This shows I'm really in love with u.. Not just by a little... BUT A LOT...

Something inside me keeps me wondering.. Since u guessed that I like you long ago.. Why didn't u do anything about it? Why did u let this feeling continue growing inside me? Why didn't u keep a distance away from me? WHY?

Now when this happened, u are enjoying ur life.. Yet I'm here, lyin on my bed feeling all upset over you... Why?

I am really lost.. I really don't know what to do.. Will you teach me how to do so.. Just like how you used to do on me? PLEASE?

Hais. But apart from this I have to say kanata kun is really sweet.. He made my favorite 辣炒年糕for me today in his apartment.. Brought me around and went for dinner and Clarke quay.. HAHA

I'm really happy to hear MOMOKO back to her work!! JIAYOU MOMOKO!

Anyway I need to forget about you.. LIKE NOW! :(

Failure and stand back up

2011-07-16T22:15:00.001+08:00

There are many things in life where you will fail.. But the only thing you can do is to wipe away your tears and walk out of it.. Dont bug over it.. Cuz it will seriously get you know where..

This is what i really think now..

Yes.. I failed in my confession.. But i dont regret.. at least the "idk what is really going on in his heart" feeling isnt gonna affect me again... And i believe i have grown up a little..

Sometimes, certain things people did to me.. i might have misunderstood.. I guess next time i shouldnt think too much..

I am really grateful that i have friends around me who are there for me..
THANKS GIRLS :)

I managed to know who is really there for me.. and who is not.. Apparently, those whom i though who will be there for me, will never be there for me..

I guess i have to thank GOD for everything that happened this time round.. Cuz i managed to know who is true and real for me...

Now i m having my total and full energy in my church musical for the YOUTH WORSHIP.. i really hope that the script can pass.. and really act it out.. cuz i am going to be the one in charged of the cheograph.. WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!! and i am the BIMBO.. haha.. i always <3 ASHLEY TISDALE.. and now i m gonna act like SHARPAY EVAN.. so its kinda like hard for me.. BUT I AM GOING TO TRY MY BEST.. hehehhe.. XDDD

Alright.. gonna get ready for church tomorrow.. GOOD LUCK XD

I M BACK!!

2011-07-09T15:49:00.003+08:00

Okay.. everyone must have been wondering WHERE HAVE I BEEN? Wellll...
I have been away.. Pretty busy.. with.....

SO YOU WANNA BE A DJ!!!

Yup.. I have been busy with this event.. It's organised by MEDIACORP... I went for the AUDITION.. and i went straight up to TOP 8... Unbelievable right? YES.. i know.. XD...

A lot of things happened.. and yup.. I am still alive.. and LAST NIGHT.. was the GRAND FINALS!!! Yup.. Heyi won.. Well.. I have to say.. she was awesome in the performance part.. and i am sure she will excel in this industry..

ALL THE BEST TO YOU, HE YII..

Welll.. I am really glad that i managed to know a BUNCH.. of nice people from this event..
I know.. Lixin, Zitao, Yongsen, Jingting, Meijie, Heyi and Xiaoyun.. They are fun and nice people... I also know a lot of people from 98.7FM!!! People like Shawnrick, Dy, Steph, Kimberly, Mildred, Juliana.. so many people!! HAHA..

Well.. yes.. i enjoyed myself.. when i was with them.. But of course i have my other problems not being solved.. And currently i am PRETTY LOST.. about it..

I am sure many people know what is it about.... YES.. BGR....
Well.. i dont really fancy this kind of things.. but sometimes, the more you wnana run away from it.. the more it will come to you.. LIKE SERIOUSLY?

I have to say that.. (actually idk what to say)....

nvm.. i am sure when the time comes, it will come.. But i really hope it will not be so hard on me.. LIKE SERIOUSLY.. my mood is totally ruined by it luh! LIKE WTF?!?!? :(

Lets hope all the best k?

AND I LOVE EVERYONE!! XD hehehhe..

失落

2011-06-08T15:09:00.002+08:00

为什么每一次到这种时候，我都会有失落的感觉。我到底是怎么了？我为什么会觉得我好像会失去全世界呢？为什么每一次都会这样呢？

或许连我自己都不知道我自己要的是什么。因为这几天我也问了自己好久好久。我到底要什么。我到底在希望和期望什么？

为什么每一次到考试的时候，我就会有那么多的问题出现呢？那是因为没有自信吗？那是因为我在害怕吗？可是我到底在害怕什么？连我自己都不知道我什么时候变得那么的没有自信。

平时我是最有自信，也是最不要脸的了。可是为什么现在。。。。

我到底是怎么了？我现在真的觉得我已经失去了全世界。我觉得就连坐在这里，好像一是在浪费位子。为什么我会变得这样？

现在我希望有人可以给我一个拥抱，告诉我，一切都只是我想太多。我一切担心的东西，都不会发生。不管发生什么事情，都不会变成这样。会有这样的人吗？会吗？在我的世界里有这样的人？一个会一直在我身边的人吗？即使以后有了自己喜欢的人，还会这样对我吗？

有时候我真的想……就随便找一个喜欢我的就这样了吧。至少，他会一直在我身边。每当我觉得我要失去一切的时候，他会在我身边告诉我一切只是因为我想太多了。

可是我找得到那个人吗？为什么我身边的人都找到了。就我怎么找都找不到呢？

菩萨和我说，要我顺其自然。可是，好难。真的好难。除了这个方法没有别的了吗？

每一次我都会在这种关键的时候变得这样。真该死。

Lots of love,Nanako

Why is so many things happening now?

2011-05-18T22:53:00.002+08:00

I dont know what is going on nowadays.. Things have been screwing up.. LIKE A LOT? idk why.. I think i am so used to you being by my side when i need you.. whenever i am upset, i am angry, i am happy, i will just come look for you and share it with you.. you too... but now, it seems like... we are just drifting apart.. And it really hurts me when you tell me that you wanna me to give your friend a chance.. WHY? I mean nothing to you? I am not insignificant to you?

People around me are telling me you are just jealous.. cuz i am very close to your friend.. but is it true? Why do i feel like you no longer like me? Do you know everytime i recieve your sms, it just made me happy for the rest of the day?

I guess i have to let go of you soon?
Like SOON?

I guess i am not your type?

I will let go of you..
Really.. i will TRY MY BEST.. to do so..

I hope that by that time, you will toooo....

HSJ are all safe

2011-03-15T19:28:00.001+08:00

YEA!!! According to the JFC, everyone in Johnny's are safe...

See here.....

3月11日(金)東北地方太平洋沖地震の発生に際して、日本国内に限らず、世界各国のジャニーズファンの皆様より、所属タレントの安否について、多数のお問い合わせをいただいております。
ジャニーズファミリークラブでは、すべてのタレントの無事を確認しておりますのでご安心ください。本来、被災された皆様のご無事が第一にもかかわらず、ファンの皆様のタレントへのお心遣いに、心より感謝をいたします。
被災地の皆様のご家族・ご友人のご無事および早急な復旧をお祈り申し上げております。

2011年3月
ジャニーズファミリークラブ
タレント一同

On Friday March 11, after The 2011 Sendai earthquake and tsunami(Tōhoku Chihō Taiheiyō-oki Jishin) has happened, Johnny’s fans all over the world has been worried about the safety of Johnny’s talents.
The Johnny’s Family Club has already confirmed the safety of everyone.
Thank you for worrying about our artists even in an urgent situation.
We sincerely hope that people who have been effected by this disaster will be able to return back to their normal lives.

Johnny’s Family Club
From all the artists.

YEA~~~ they are saved!
Now all i hope is that Momoko and Jiichan will be safe...

Pls be..

And I pray that Japan's nuclear factories will stop exploding..
Cuz acid rain may come.. :((

Pls be well......
Please LORD, dont let Asia be extincted.. :(

Lets pray for JAPAN..
and the JAPANESE....

We will be fine... Trust that LORD have mercy on us..

Lots of love
Nanako

Please be safe...

2011-03-12T02:09:00.003+08:00

I'm freaking worried for HSJ....!!!

I hope they will be fine?

According to some fan's blog..

Save

Ryosuke Yamada (evacuated)**
Yuri Chinen (evacuated)**
Yuma Nakayama (evacuated/nothing about his sister Nana, till now)**
Kazunari Ninomiya (Save by VS Staff/but still in Odaiba, FujiTV say Arashi is Fine)
Masaki Aiba (Save by VS Staff/his family is save, too/his home burn/now here he was filming Barbender and is save by them, FujiTV say Arashi is Fine)
Jin Akanashi (Save by Dancer)
Jun Matsumoto (Save by VS Staff/ but still in Odaiba, Fuji TV say Arashi is Fine)
Sho Sakurai (Save by VS Staff/ but still in Odaiba, Fuji TV say Arashi is Fine)
Satoshi Ohno (Save by VS Staff/ but still in Odaiba, Fuji TV say Arashi is Fine)
Ryo Nishikido
Yuya Tegoshi
Taisuke Fujigaya
Hiromutsu Kitayama
Junnosuke Tageuchi
Kouchi Domoto
Hiroki Uchi
Kazuya Kamenashi (save by fans)
Yuta Nakajima (minor injured in hospital)
Kei Inoo (his Mother say he is allright)
Kota Yabu (injured)
Subaru Shibutani
Go Morita
Masayuki Sakamoto
Hiroshi Nagano
Yoshihiko Inohara
Ken Miyake
Junichi Okada
Shintaro Morimoto (was seen on TV, but no confirmation from Johnny´s)
Daiki Arioka (minor injured in hospital)
Toma Ikuta (he was in Osaka)
Yamashita Tomohisa (his dog in hospital/ house is devormed, his sister say he is fine)
Ueda Tatsuya (house is devormed)
Tanaka Koki (confirmed by fans)
Yuichi Nakamura
Yuya Matsushita
Tsuyoshi Domoto
Hideaki Takizawa
Masuda Takahisa
Koyama Keiichiro
Shigeaki Kato
Senga Kento
Miyata Toshiya
Wataru Yokoo
Yuta Tamamori
Takashi Nikaido
Shingo Murakami
You Yokoyama
Shota Yasuda
Ryuhei Maruyama
Tadayoshi Okura
Katori Shingo
Ryutaro Morimoto
Keito Okamoto (is save)
Hikaru Yamomote (house in Sendai is totally finished)
Tatsuya Yamaguchi (save by Johnny´s)
Shigeru Joshima (save by Johnny´s)
Taichi Kokubun (save by Johnny´s)
Masahiro Matsuoka (save by Johnny´s)
Tomoya Nagase (save by Johnny´s)
Yugo Koichi
Kento Nakajima
Fuma Kikuichi
Hokuto Matsumura
Juri Tanaka (save)
Yuma Sanda (save)
Kusano

Some Jr. are saved by Endless Shock Staff, but is not confirmed which Jr. this are.

Missing

Tsubasa Imai
Yuya Takaki

Why is TAKAKI YUYA MISSING?

OMG.. WHY??!?!!??!?!?!

I am like so worried for him luh..

Morimoto is not confirmed too..

But at least most of them are safe.. Just that some are injuried..

OGENKIDENE!

I hope that GOD will have mercy on them.. Please bless them.. and be with them through this disaster.. In Jesus Name i pray.. AMEN~~~~

Never gonna trust you EVER AGAIN

2011-02-28T23:33:00.002+08:00

I trust you.. I am always there for you.. I am always standing up for you.. When theres a need, i stand up for.. even if it means to be evil in front of others.. Now i find myself STUPID.. RETARDED to do all these things for you...

I guess you never treat me as a friend? Or rather, all along, i know you never did treat me as a friend.. When you have someone else, you tend to throw me aside.. When you are left with no one, i must be there.. If i m not there, you are unhappy about it.. You are unhappy when i make new friends.. ESPECIALLY GUYS!.. You will say that I throw you away for a guy.. Even if i tried to made my point clear, you also dont wanna trust me.. What kind of friendship is this when there is NOT TRUST?

And now, cuz of you, i tried to have a distance away from him, and you... start to get closer and closer to him.. Now you are happy? You finally get him.. the one WHOM I USED TO BE CLOSE WITH.. you FINALLY get him.. So you feel satisfied? You feel proud? You feel that you own the whole world?

Seriously, i just look down on you.. I didnt know you are that despicable... I didnt know you are that "dirty" that you will snatch away my friend..

Things wont go wrong like this IF.. i dont trust in whatever SHIT you said..

Things wont go wrong like this IF.. i were to stop telling how i feel..

Things wont go wrong like this IF.. i dont trust you so much..

You used to be my friend.. Now you are NOT.. cuz you just show me how "DIRTY" you are..

In front of me.. you didnt even say a thing.. But behind my back.. you are doing all these.. you cal yourself a friend to me? HAHA!! JOKE! I think your biggest happiness. IS TO SNATCH OTHERS FRIENDS AWAY FROM PEOPLE..

Yea.. I said that.. I DID... Why? not happy?

I can be very proud to say that i didnt betray you... i didnt do things that i shouldnt do.. I didnt lie to you.. but you.. HAVE BEEN LYING TO ME A LOT i guess....

Who to blame? no one.. cuz i am STUPID and RETARDED to know you and be your friend..

From now on, our friendship is gone.. Dont say its cuz of someone.. DONT SAY THAT.. cuz its a fact.. Cuz of that person.. you destroy our friendship.. if you didnt do that... i wun be like this.. You taught me...

You taught me to remember unhappiness.. So i must thank you for that..

Thank yourself for that too...

Lots of love

Nanako

BACK BACK~

2011-02-24T01:12:00.003+08:00

Okay.. back with a NEW BLOGSKIN!!

You must be wondering why i put such a "=.=" blogskin..

But i have to say.. I am currently OBSESSED with those girls up there.. and

LOLLIPOP!!!

HAHAHA

Well.. I have to really study liao.. Next Wednesday got MATERIALS.. and then.. got THERMOFLUIDS!!!! WOO~ then END OF EXAM!!!!

Cant wait man..

OH YA... I'm going to SCHOOL for ITP!

8 bucks/day..

kinda low la.. but still okay.. hope can learn something out of it.. MUHAHAHAHAHA....

Lots of love,Nanako

Disappointment ar...

2011-02-20T00:32:00.002+08:00

Can you believe that i just feel that i am being cheated/betrayed.. like seriously.. I have never had this kind of feeling for a very long time.. but today is the first time that i feel this way man.. Things happened. and it just made me feel disgusted to the world..

1. Yes.. we were on a bet.. Since you DONT DARE to accept it.. then just STFU.. I am talking to my maid.. you add on into the conversation.. and then you raise up your volume.. and then i get scolded.. COME ON.. You call this fair? You think this is fair for me? And guess what my mum say? Joke must have limit.. cannot always mention parents.. What else can i say? What else can i rebut on? But the fact is that.. who started it? I am talking to MY MAID.. you cut in.. And i got the scolding? And now you dont feel guilty or sorry at all?

2. After you come to my family, our lives got ruined.. My sister and I had to give in so many things.. and we didnt complain or what so ever.. But you just took it for granted.. Sometimes, I SAID that i dont like it.. But you still do it.. You poke me.. BUT.. i cannot poke back? I do so, you make a big fuss out of it.. What is this? Hello.. Who started it man.. So many times alr.. I tell you NICELY, dotn wanna listen.. Wait till i say it in a unhappy tone.. you give that kind of sickening face..

3. Yes.. I'm stupid to trust you.. To even TREAT YOU AS MY FRIEND.. i think i must have owe you for my past life.. thats why i am getting this back.. You always made me make choice that i dont want to do.. You force me to make a decision.. And when i make that decision, i made people hate me.. And when that person hate me, you are back to him as good as new.. So after you have taught him a lesson, using me, you can throw me away? So I'm just someone whom you can use and then throw aside? How stupid am i to really trust you.. You always say that you are there for friends.. people respect you, you respect them.. But the thing is.. DO YOU RESPECT ME.. when i say no, DO YOU RESPECT MY DECISION? Instead you say.. you guys ar.. its wrong and yet you dont want to confront it.. But yes.. you dont have to pull me into this whole picture right? Seriously, How stupid i was to really believe that i dont need to feel bad.. or wad so ever.. Cuz why? you feel happy right? You feel better right? Maybe you dont need me AT ALL.. I am just a toy to you? Whatever.. I'm not interested.. Just feeling disappointed after seeing so much.. When you have him, i m just like WADEVER t you.. when you lose him, we are like GOLD to you.. Thats how disappointed i am right now.. Dont need to say you disappointed in me.. or dont need to say how much you dislike what i do.. Cuz thats vice versa.. i hate many things that you do too.. But i choose not to say.. cuz you will ended up getting unhappy.. I respect you and love you for who you are.. but you never love me for who i am.. instead, you get unhappy with me, you will hold grudge.. Seriously, i had enough..

You always say this not good, that not good. but sometimes, i really dont see what you say.. sometimes, you do things that you yourself hates others who do it.. Why can you do it.. yet others cannot? When others do it, why do you have to make a big fuss out of it? Why do you have to be so upset when others reject you? Others dont have their own freedom? Others dont have it? Yes.. you are a very good friend to have fun with.. and used to be a friend whom i can rely on.. but now, i guess, after that 2 incident, i dont know how to trust you not to make me into a position where i have to make TOUGH decision with a few seconds.. I am a HUMAN, not a GOD.. I have to think of consequences.. I have to think of whether i will pull others into this issue.. If you dont, please dont pull me in.. Take it as i beg you or wadeva.. its enough..

The No 1 and 2 are from the same person.. No 3 is a different person la..

P.S it might be you, it might not be you.. If you think its you, its you.. if you dont think its you.. then its not you.. Please dont come and KAOBEI me/ say anything like i post this kind of things on MY BLOG.. cuz you do too..

Lots of love

Nanako

My feelings.. is it even being noticed?

2011-01-18T14:36:00.002+08:00

You are a memory now. It contains of happy and sad ones.. however, the only thing i can rmb of, is the happy ones. Sometimes, i regret for being the Old me.. However, you will still be a memory of me. Nothing cant be done anymore.

I tried to do as much as i can.. but in vain. maybe to you, I am in the wrong, but to me, you are.. Both of us are having different perspective. This eventually lead us to this route. But why cant i let go? I'm really happy that you have finally let it go. You have made it into a memory. And i really wish that you can find someone better than me. And be happy.

However, i cant be happy. maybe because you are the first. Is that the reason why it is so memorable? maybe? i tried.. for the past few months.. nothing changed... Im not happy. but i tried to.. tears are now my good friends.. smile is just something i used to make people not to doubt me.. however, deep inside, i am not feeling happy.

Why is this happening? i thought i have let you go... I tried to like someone else, i try to go out with other guys.. i try to even involve myself in many many things.. but everytime i see you, everything juz changed.. the feeling just came back...

So i guess this is karma? I have gotten my punishment.. I guess regretting now doesnt make a difference.. the only way.. is to let me continue to be in my sentence.. until the day, my date is due..

Im really happy to know you.. but i guess fate doesnt mean for us to be together...

<3
Nanako

Lots of love,Nanako

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2011-01-01T01:51:00.002+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Its 2011 now!!

HAHA.. its.. 1.51AM.. and i am still not sleeping.. WELL.. partially is cuz i am excited about this NEW YEAR.. i have to say.. 2010's new year eve IS A BORE! cuz daddy's sick:( but he is recovering pretty soon:)

okay.. SINCE ITS 2011!! I shall write down my NEW YEAR RESOLUTION..

1. Get a good grades for the second half to YR 2 and work hard for YEAR 3!
(Okay.. this is not hard to get.. as long as I DUN SKIP CLASS.. and do my work and study properly.. i can do it XD)

2. Able to commit time to PIANO! get back my touch on piano..
(This, i will try.. cuz i really need time to practice and practice but new school term is starting.. so i will be working hard for it ^^)

3. Able to slim down.
(OKAY.. this is kinda tough.. cuz whenever i get stressed or pissed, i tend to eat.. if not, i will get FUCKING UNHAPPY!:( but its okay.. i will still try my best!)

4. Get my DRIVING LICENSE THIS YR!
(yes.. in case you dont know, my mum register me for the driving course liao.. so i will be start my driving theory SOON!)

5. Save another 300 BUCKS for a new TV in my room
(YES! i am sure i can do so... as long as i keep track of where and what i spend on.. XD.. cuz today just realise 2 TV at home, not enough sia!! :( )

6. Able to be happy and enjoy life more than 2010..
(YES! i am now!)

I guess thats for now?
HAHA

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Lots of LOVE
NANAKO

Unhappiness

2010-12-31T01:30:00.001+08:00

I think maybe I am just sick in my mind? Cuz sometimes, I really do feel unhappy.. And I can't really know the exact reason to it.. I just feel that I'm such an asshole that everyone around me dislike... And how useless I'm in not able to make my own decision...

Or maybe im juz being ungrateful in wadeva I had? Why am I feeling so alone at night? Why do I feel so not me now?

Can I just give up on whatever I wanted? And let others decide my life for me? Cuz I kinda hate the life that I can't take control of...

All these... I tried telling to Him... But I don't know why m I not feeling any better... Why? Why is it not the way? WHY??

What has happened to me now? Even I myself I don't know who I m now great!

Christmas in SLC

2010-12-27T13:52:00.004+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS folks.. haha..
Had christmas on 25th Dec in Singapore Life Church.. And this is the first time that i celebrated and performed in it.. I have to admit. I really do enjoy being with the people in there..

Lets see some group photos :)

Hannah and me XD
She's cute isnt she? Uncle Desmond's kid.. haha..

A group photo of SLC and AGAPE..
1st row (L-R): Me, Wayne, Lion King and.. errm.. dun know his name :P
2nd row (L-R): AHBENG, Cherin, Sihong and dun know his name :P
HAHA.. its good that AGAPE people came to SLC to see us... MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE!!

Of course there are more.. But I kinda lazy to post haha so just like that ba!!!

Big changes in my life, Big different

2010-12-25T01:33:00.002+08:00

Went for a camp from 20th till 23rd dec... This 4Day 3Night camp, somehow changed my life, my perspective of view.. and also the thinking i used to have.

This is the first time, that i feel SO guilty about what i've done to my parents for the past 18 years.. I have been a disobedient kid, a stubborn child that made my parents worry, Especially my Mother.. She has been disappointed with me AGAIN and AGAIN... and yet, she still loves me.. This made me guilty.. Especially after wad Matthias actually share about his story.. It made me cry.. It made me think about my actions that i always did. I regret.. I went to the toilet and actually called her and say that i love her, and i m sorry about it..

And this is the first time that i see that family are actually people who will be there for you NO MATTER WAD HAPPENED.. I would like to thank WAYNE for being there especially, Uncle DESMOND.. They were the ones that are really helping me out A LOT A LOT.. especially today...

And also, during the camp, I made many new friends.. Abigail, Lydia, Xinmun, Marcus and many more.. I really treasure the friendship that i had with them.. and hope that i would actually last long and forever..

-------------------------------------------
Its Christmas Eve.. And i went for celebration with friends and stuff. but due to some last minutes arrangement, i had to leave the celebration and go do that thing.. I felt really guilty for leaving my friends, especially Beatrice back..

I have to say.. that.. yes, i broke my promise... But i was also in a difficult position..

One side is about whether to break my promise, OR, to listen to wad my parents wanted me to do...

Cuz both will make me feel bad.. and feel guilty.. I have to say, this isnt a good choice to make.. and i m really upset about having to make this kinda choice.. cuz both are the most impt people in my life..

Yes, understanding and accepting is different.. But there will definitely be things that are last minute.. I can understand about him leaving, breaking his promise.. and how upset you are about that.. thats why you are so disappointed with me.. But your words hurt me VERY MUCH..

If i were to stand in your shoes, if today's incident were to happen to me.. e.g you promised me about a month ago, and your parents suddenly ask you to go do something on that exact day.. I am very sure that i will not get upset cuz i know that parents do expect certain things from us.. and its not really nice to not do it..

Maybe because wadeva i did add on to wadeva just happened.. but i just have to say, you hurt me too.. not to compare or blame who started first..but i just hope that this issue will juz pass away.. and soon, we will be back to friends again..

Would like to thank JUNHAO for sitting by me today when i am like crying like siao.. and sorry for ruining your day..

Would like to thank UNCLE JUSTIN, UNCLE DESMOND, WAYNE, AUNT JUDITH and many many friends who are there for me.. I do feel a lot better now.. And thank you so so much..

It's CHRISTMAS~ so merry christmas!!

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Grandma is sick.. people, pls pray for me that she will get well soon.. And from now on, i dun wan to live with regret...

GRANDMA, I LOVE YOU XD

Lots of love
Nanako

Mug mug mug for the last time XD

2010-12-10T01:04:00.003+08:00

YES.. i am mugging my IM IM..
And i finish rough reading.. now its time to do MEMORISING>. but seroiusly.. i m suffering from brain dead that almost nth is going into my brain..

I think i just have to say SAYONARA to my this module :( god.. anyone save me?!

anyway..... looking forward to tomorrow's 5pm.. cuz thats when i am really gonna relax baby~

Anyway.. hmm.. today no quote.. so busy and tired liao.. still code.. i will cry man.. haha..

JIAYOU TO MYSELF~

Loves
Nanako

Long Time Post..

2010-12-09T01:02:00.000+08:00

Yea.. haven't been updating for like GOD KNOWS HOW LONG.. haha.. Many things happened. Be it, exciting, sad, emotional, angry.. anything.. All i can say that is.. all these DO change my life...

1. TEENAGE KPOP DANCE BATTLE

This is like something that we never thought that we could make it.. But we did. We changed the song so last minute.. but the outcome was good. I am really proud of everyone in the group for putting in effort. Didnt make into finals.. but we do enjoy ourselves. Seriously would like to thank SARA for coming down. She is from NP and she is FREAKING BUSY.. yet she still put in effort. Thank Zihao and Junhao. THey are not dancers. yet they dont give up and they tried again and again.

2. SP Got Talent Finals
Went for Audition half-heartedly, not putting in any hope into getting in to finals. But we did. Worked hard for 2 weeks EVERYDAY. And last night, we managed to do well. We managed to put up a great performance. All the hard work is not being wasted. And of course hope that there are still chancing in working together with my lovely 3 friends, Beatrice, Keng and Skyne.
I have to really thank Skyne for partnering me. He managed to carry ME, someone who is fucking heavy. THANK YOU DEAR~~

Above are HAPPINESS... So what about sadness?

How pathetic, after so long, i still cant shake him off my head. However, his attitude is just different. VERY DIFFERENT. When saying bye, he always do it half-heartedly to me. It looks like he is just trying to avoid me in ANY WAYS.. I really dun know what i have done to make him do so. He once said that he hope that the girl he like will not stop talking to him jus because they cant be together. But why is he doing this to me? I know that we are not possible. But i seriously dont see there's a need to do so.. LIKE SERIOUSLY!! Everytime i tried to tell myself, i am thinking too much, you just give me a hit on the head like saying.. "HEY~ WAKE UP!" And really it hurts.. VERY MUCH. Frankly speaking, i cant wait till ITP comes.. cuz by then, i really want to leave you, and learn to live without you in these 9 weeks. I hope that ITP can help me to forget everything about you. And when school reopen, you will just be a little boy whom i would like to take you as a LITTLE BROTHER, and not someone whom i like or anything.

Exam is here.. and I am studying the ass out of me.. seriously, i want to study hard for my future and everything.. i seriously dont want to regret.. But frankly speaking.. this is tiring.. VERY TIRING.. luckily i have supportive friends and family :)

--------------------------------------------------------------
Many things happened and i have to say, i do see things very differently... and i do experience things differently too..

lets see a few quotes that i get from FB...

1. Some people come into our lives and leave foot print on our hearts. Others come into our lives and make us wanna leave foot prints on their face.

Frankly speaking this quote is funny... but very true.. Some people are just that asshole that i really do wanna leave my foot prints on them.. haha.. but well.. its not civilised you see.. so i didnt.. lols

2. I wanna shout out everything i feel about you.. but i cant.. cuz it would only hurrrt me to see everyone listening... everyone except you..

Yea. kinda true.. wad if you confess and that asshole actually dun give a damn and he juz walk away and act like it never happened? it really do hurt a lot.. sometimes its just sad to like someone who dun appreciate you..

3. You may meet people better than me, funnier than me, more hilarious than me, but one think i can say to you, i will ALWAYS be there when they ALL LEAVE YOU..

VERY TRUE! frankly speaking.. i do agree.. i will always be there no matter who i meet.. this is a promise that i will never break no matter how bitch or asshole i am.. haha..

4. Once you've already let go of someone, have the courage that you will not see her again. Because good byes are not created for nothing. it really ends something..

True.. This is for all those who said want to give up.. but in the end never give up.. frankly speaking.. GROW SOME BALLS.. if you made up your mind.. to give her/him up.. then stop contacting him/her!! You can say that i know nothing.. but i can say that YES I DO.. cuz now, i am not contacting him unless he talks to me.. SO.. SUCK IT UP!!

5. All I'm asking is dont make promises you cant keep and dont say things you dont mean cuz in the end, those things mean everything..

KINDA TRUE!! like seriously.. dun make empty promises.. if you can do it.. say yes.. if you cant dun say i will do it.. instead, say you will try.. and this is based on the fella who ask for the promise and the person who reply i will try.. cuz wadeva you are doing now, no matter good or bad will all be trying.. so cut the crap.. lols..

6. THey say: time heals all wounds.. but what they forget to add is that it leaves some nasty scars behind. and those scars are sometimes painful memories and reminders of the past.

Kinda true.. Once bitten by a snake, you will forever be fearful of them.. the scars that those who hurt me will forever be there.. and the worse thing is.. its in my heart.. how great is that? haha.. cuz if its on my body, i can go for plastic surgery.. but if i were to have scars in my heart, how do i remove them?

7. There are certain people in your life that you will miss and that is okay.. but some people you should just learn to forget and to move on with your life..

I totally agree with it.. I do learn to forget them.. cuz it cause painful memories that i kinda hate a lot.. and it made me very insecure in many ways.. haha.. but its okay.. i have alr moved on with my life.. but now, i need to move on again.. i am sure i can do that:)

8. I smile to make people happy, but in my head, its just to hide the pain so that people dont ask me whats wrong.. :(

Yea.. kinda true.. thats like so me.. when i am sad, when i am unhappy, i dun show it in front of others.. but i do show it in front of my friends.. to me.. they are people whom i can trust in letting out my feelings.. thats why i LOVE THEM!! :)

9. Why do i keep trying for someone who wont try for me?

Yea.. thats exactly how i am feeling before exams.. kinda true.. why try so hard when that fella is not giving me anything in return? not one at all? instead, he treat me so coldly.. its okay.. i know that this is reality.. and one day.. if you like someone and that someone do the exact some thing to you.. i am just going to stand there and LAUGH AT YOU AND SAY: serve you right.. cuz thats how i feel at that point of time..:)

10. LOVE what you do and DO what you love.. DOnt let anyone or anything hold you back. Its your DREAM and only you can make it happen:)

YES! how i hope this will happen? haha.. cuz my parents are like kinda strict.. hais..
but its okay.. i shall show that my dreams are not juz dreams.. they are going to come through sooner or later..:)

ALRIGHT! 10 quotes a day, make my heart feeling a lot better:)
see ya~~

Loves
NANAKO
XOXO

Maybe i am juz a BITCH!!!!

2010-11-01T21:29:00.002+08:00

Maybe I'm just a BITCH.. thats why today, people are doing this kind of SHIT to me...

1. I am trying to be nice, she dun appreciate it.. Instead, she gave a cold shoulder and show it as if its all MY FAULT.. or rather EVERYONE'S FAULT.. yea.. wadeva.. if you really were to be unhappy.. then jiu be unhappy bah.. Your problem.. cuz WHY? when i try to be nice, trying to find out wads happening, You choose to not tell.. so if you NOT TO TELL, then dun show that kind of SICKENING FACE.. its just SICKENING.. people around you who CARE for you, you actually give this kind of FUCKING ATTITIDE.. wadeva... when ONE DAY, people leave you cuz of your attitude, dun come or go around blaming others.... if you are going to blame others for that.. THEN DUN BLAME ME FOR BEING HARSH OR ANYTHING.. cuz I can UNDERSTAND.. but I cant ACCEPT THAT ATTITUDE....

2. You say my voice is irritating.. then how about yours? people dun say doesnt mean that they wun feel irritated... If you think that I'm irritating.. then why not look at yourself? Your laughter is also very irritating.. but others juz want to give you face? You choose not to do your work properly... then in the end... you give this kind of fucking attitude.. wads this? my fault? NO! you deserve it.. cuz you choose not to do anything...

Yes.. maybe i am juz being a bitch.. go ahead and think this way.. Your own friend.. so also very bitch.. She go around bitching about others..and she ask questions as if she is the only person in the world.. in the class.. and even when another fellow is just behind her, she will just shout that fellow's name and ask question when that fellow IS JUST BEHIND HER!!! if your friend and you can change it.... THEN I WILL CHANGE.. dun expect me to CHANGE.. cuz i wun..

3. Sometimes, i HATE myself for being HALF JAP and HALF CHI.... cuz why? people will laugh at me.. when i say.. sorry.. i dunknow much about japan.. I dun know how to speak japan.. i dun know how to do this and do that... when it has sth to do with Japan... Its because i dun grow up there.. but people think that i am just lying..

Whats the point of lying about this kind of thing? Just to let people envy? COME ON LA!! who will envy over this kind of FUCK? as if people care? people might just think that you are freak pls..

But just now, some ANGEL, just say that.. you think that being half jap and half chi very good ar.. what you mean? that i suck? juz cuz im half jap and chi? Whats wrong with that? can you just accept me no matter if i am a half jap and chi? i think you cant..

Or maybe i am just a nusicance to you? Maybe next time when i see you, i can just act like i dun know? or maybe i should stop contacting you? cuz to you, maybe i am jus a FREAK...

I am just DISAPPOINTED to hear this kind of words out from your mouth... Why must it be you?

I used to be very proud of my own blood.. maybe being a mixed blood is sth sinful.. cuz people just see me in a very differnet way....

And sometimes, seeing you caring others.. BUT JUST NOT ME.. why? is it cuz i am mixed? or maybe to you.. i am just annoying?

Why do you always think of yourself before anything? Have you ever thought of how i feel?

i really hope you will see me.. in some ways.. care for me.. just a little bit.. if not, i really dun know how to continue..

Or maybe this is wad its is hinting me.. to stop.... cuz its really getting nowhere..
i get hurt.. and you get troubled?

yea.. maybe this is the better way.. and this is the BEST ENDING ever?

How i hope i can be back to normal when i am juz into poly, being so naive and innocent.. just thinking of being happy and study well.. nothing in my mind...

But now.. everything is so different.. i feel miserable.. i feel unhappy.. i feel like not living in this world.. i feeling dying ever minute in my life.. if it were to be like this.. i would rather not see you forever...

How i hope the dance will END SOON.. so that i wun have to you see.. so that i wun have to face every minute of my life.. Even though i will miss you.. but this is the ONLY WAY to solve it..

Thanks for the BEST MEMORY ever.. but i am going to try to let it off slowly and slowly..
I'm sure i can do it.. i will make sure that i can do it..

Lots of Love
Nanako

How to do it? Will i succeed?

2010-10-22T15:17:00.002+08:00

Was with BEATRICE on wednesday... went to POLYCLINIC to get MC cuz we were both unwell.. and in the end, we decided to go JP to watch movie.. we watched LIFE AS WE KNOW IT.

I have to say ITS A NICE MOVIE!! haha.. Its uber funny... Throughout the WHOLE MOVIE, BEATRICE keep teasing me.. -.- I keep saying wtf during the movie.. haha..

And even AFTER the movie.. she continue to disturb me.. -.-
And after that we talked a bit.. and she managed to talk me into continuing.. and not giving up.. And also to have certain motivation..

but frankly speaking.. for this 2 days.. i seroiusly doubt i can do it.. not giving excuses or anything.. I find it really torturing? cuz his reaction towards me is really cold.. he is like 1 minutes so hot.. another juz dun really give a damn to it.. after that juz back to his normal self..
Yes.. i cant take it.. I tried to block and ignore.. but i as a human do get affected in some way or another..

Many people encouraged me to confess.. which i dun think theres a nid.. FOR NOW at least.. i dun want awkwardness.. i shall see how.. but i will try wad beatrice did for a longer period before stopping it.. if not, its like a bit wasted..

ALL RIGHT PEOPLE!!

PLS CHEER AND PRAY FOR ME!!! XD

anyway.. the movie was AWESOME! go watch!! hahaha

我的心，你看得到吗？

2010-10-19T08:51:00.004+08:00

我的心，你看得到吗？我知道，喜欢你是不会有任何的回报的。可是，我还是傻傻的，一头栽了进去。是不是不很笨呢？或许，这就是爱情的坏处。爱，会使一个人变得很笨，很傻，也可能很胆小。

我承认，我很笨，很傻。有时候，只要你有一点点的要求，请求，我就会很在乎。尽量做到最好。有时候，虽然会被你骂我很笨。可是，心里会很开心。因为我知道，你至少看到我了。不管我做得好不好。至少，你不会对我不理不睬的。

我也承认，我很胆小。还记得有一次，我的好朋友说，我喜欢你吗？其实，我可以乘这个机会，和你说我的感觉。可是我不敢。因为我怕，告诉你后，你就不会在理我了。或者是，连朋友都做不到。我情愿自己现在那么的难受，也不要以后都那么的痛苦。

我知道，你是不会喜欢上我的。可是，请你让我静静的，自己地偷偷的喜欢你吧。我不会想要听你说“对不起，我不喜欢你。”的答案。我宁愿拥有我现在有的痛苦。

可是，我还是会希望有一天，你会看到我，注意我，甚至，会有那么一点点地喜欢我。这样就已经足够了。

感觉，想法，思考

2010-10-16T22:26:00.002+08:00

可能是因为生病的时候，比较有时间。所以就会开始想很多东西。
最近，和朋友之间发生了很多的不愉快。我尽量避免，尽量预防。甚至，会想要解决。可是，还是免不了不愉快，不开心。以前不是这样的。

就像今天，我生病了，我躺在床上，睡了一个早上。到了下午，看到了她的SMS，马上就回了。可是上了FB，失望的感觉，马上就来了。因为，我好失望他居然这么说我。他没有去了解为什么我会没有回答他的短讯。会不会是发生什么事情了，或者是有什么事情耽搁了。可是，他一点也没有关心。马上就这样责备了过来。这样真的很痛心。

为什么事情会演变成这样呢？

说来实话，自从‘他’出现了后，她就一直对我不满意。我不知道，这意味着什么。
一开始，我承认，是我自己有点过分，可能作的比较明显。可是。。。到后来，我已经改了。可是，她似乎看不到。他一直都说：“那你要表现出来，让人家看到。”可是，在我还来不及表示的时候，她又生气了。

现在，我真的很矛盾。有些心里话，我很想说。可是我很怕说了，会动摇我们的友情。或者，她会骂我。

因为现在我的心里已经非常的不好受了。如果她再骂我的话，我真的不知道要怎么做。我也不知道要怎么去面对。

很多时候，我有想要离开的念头。因为只有这样，问题就不会一直发生下去。可是，我很放不下她。因为最近她似乎也时候很多问题。我不想成为她的负担。我也在寻找机会，和她说清楚。也希望我有足够的时间。

对自己的话：“开心是自己给自己的。别人给你的开心和快乐，都只是暂时的。你要学会让自己快乐。就只有这样，你才会变得更加坚强。”

Disappointing...

2010-10-16T16:58:00.002+08:00

Where is everyone when i need understanding? I am sick.. yet no one gives a FUCKING DAMN to it.. Instead blame me for not replying sms.. What is this? When you are sick.. you dun reply my sms.. DO I GET ANGRY ABOUT IT? Instead, i waited PATIENTLY for your sms.. no matter how long is it.. For others.. they dun reply my sms.. i get angry.. cuz they dun have VALID REASON... whereas for you... YOU HAVE ONE. you dun see me complaining.. Why cant you somehow understand that sometimes, people dun reply you theres a reason.. its not as if i wait till THE NEXT DAY then i reply you? you get angry.. what is this?

If you think that I am faking.. then juz wadeva.. even when i text you saying i'm sorry.. you also dun give a damn to it.. into replying it.. what is this? It juz sleeping so i never reply you.. and you get CUZ OF THIS?!

I dun understand.. really.. i dun understand AT ALL...

People get angry with me.. even when i am sick.. Yes.. maybe i just deserve being sick? Even if i fainted.. people laugh at me, saying I AM A LOSER.. how nice is that?

No one really understand me.. I dun say.. i choose not to say.. not cuz of wad.. cuz i dun wan people to get worried for me.. if i were to say.. who knows... people might think i am trying to gain sympathy? Maybe saying i am trying to gain pity? And then a whole lot of thing is going to happen again...

I'm tired.. i reallly AM tired..
If only i can have a break... i juz hope people will stop being angry with me.. there are so many things happening in my mind tll I DUN KNOW WAD and HOW to say..

What can i do? What shall i do? If you can tell me.. please let me know..

Cuz i just want to be happy.. and stop tearing every single day... the feeling inside me sucks... I think for you.. can you please think for me too?

Or maybe i should just do like wad my mummy told me juz now.. juz to die..
How nice.. your own mother asking you to die when she knows how unwell you are..
How nice.. you own mother told you that you deserve being sick..

What kind of motherly love is that?

Or maybe i am fated not to get any love from anyone..

This yr just sucks..

FUCKING PISSED OFF!

2010-10-06T01:05:00.002+08:00

I am FREAKING PISSED OFF..

He just made my day FUCKING PISSED OFF.... and something ADDS ON!

When someone is TALKING TO YOU, you can actually WALK OFF.. and start a NEW CONVERSATION! HOW NICE! Thats just being FREAKING RUDE... You came out.. trying to APOLOGISE.. I wasnt that angry already.. But when i ask you, WHATS WITH THAT EXPRESSION? YOU WALK OFF AGAIN! Its just like you STABBED ME.. say sorry and PUT ON MEDICINE.. before the wound HEAL, you fucking STAB again! Is juz now the SORRY is juz BULLSHITTING?

and something just ADD ON!!

My sister gets BITCH on another FUCKER's blog.. As a SISTER, i helped her by writing it BACK ON THAT FUCKER.. on her blog... WITH MY PARENTS' APPROVAL... and now.. the FUCKING TEACHER, ask my sister to DELETE her blogpost.. QUOTED FROM HIM: BLOG is used to EXPRESS your FEELINGS. Is he like SELFSLAPPING?

And he even said " Why your SISTER, SO BAD?!" WTF?! What do you know? Do you know WHATS GOING ON? If you dont, then juz STFU! Do you think i am so FREE.. to go write about this kind of STUFF? if my sister DONT GET HURT, i would really LOVE to sit back and RELAX.. Why not go CHECK IT OUT your DEAREST student's blog? And see for yourself.. what he write? He even WROTE THE NAME! Dun expect US to delete it.. WHY??!! Cuz my sister is not BADMOUTHING.. she is juz EXPRESSING! So.. MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND!

To IRENE's CLASSMATE, LEROY...

If you LOVE to badmouth about my sister.. GO AHEAD.. cuz one day, you will get BADMOUTH.. till you DONT FEEL LIKE LIVING IN THIS FUCKING WORLD...
You want to act PITY? To gain SYMPATHY? FUCK OFF! You think my sister will BUY IT? She will, I WUN! So the next time you CALL, i will FUCKING HANG UP.. dun come COMPLAIN SO MUCH.. why not LOOK INTO THE MIRROR.. and then come pick on my SISTER'S PROBLEM?

ONCE MORE, you will GET IT FROM ME.. TRY ME!

Gosh.. people just LOVE to make me angry.. ESPCIALLY TODAY.. wtf..

LOTS OF LOVE
NANAKO

外公，你会来接我吗？

2010-10-01T04:24:00.002+08:00

外公，

我好想念你！自从你在我10岁的时候，离开我，我就在想：“为什么不把我带走？为什么把我一个人丢在这里？”

为什么？

我好希望我可以和你一起离开。如果离开了，可以快乐一点，可以不要那么痛苦。我现在，好讨厌这里！我好想离开！我不想在这里了！我好想离开这里，和你在一起。如果这样，可以让我解脱，我真的不介意。

为什么做人要那么辛苦？为什么这一切要那么的发生？或许，这就是我的命。

可是我还有一件事情要做。。。

只有当我做完了，我才去找外公。到时候，外公你一定要来接我哦。。
不然的话，一路上我会非常寂寞，非常孤单，非常害怕的。

可是，我想我应该会想念这里的一切。我的父母，我的家人，我的朋友，还有。。。
可是，我带给他们的，也就只有痛苦。所以，我走了，他们应该会开心很多吧。。。

明天我就回去说。。明天。。

Lots of Love
NANAKO

天突然变灰了？

2010-09-29T10:53:00.001+08:00

我怎么了呢？为什么会突然有一个很想放弃的感觉？
昨晚，我问了，什么是吃醋。。因为我从来都没有吃过醋。就连对前男友，也没有。可是，我想我昨晚吃醋了吧。可是我能和谁说呢？这些心情，能告诉谁呢？

告诉了你，你会不会觉得我莫名其妙？
告诉了好朋友，会不会说我想太多了？
告诉自己，我自己想太多了？
可是，就是心里不舒服。

可是我能和谁说呢？
我就只能在这里说。

或许，离开一下下对你，我都有好处？
如果是这样的话，那么，我就接受昨晚的请求吧。。
至少，我不需要做任何的选择。
至少，我的心里就不会有任何的期望。
至少，我也不会在像昨晚一样在那里无理取闹。
至少，我心里不会在有愧疚感。
至少。。算了，说这么多，应该也不会改变什么吧。

就这样吧~

Lots of love
Nanako

This is seriously getting no where

2010-09-23T01:04:00.002+08:00

I dont know where to start or how to start.. But i juz feel like giving up in every emotions i am having.. Liking people or being loved by someone is really torturing and tiring.. I sometimes, think that... If i am someone without any emotions.. Maybe i can be saved from this kind of torture..

I keep get affected recently.. I feel like i am being split into half.. And i really dont know what to do.. People telling me this.. but the fact is the other way round.. Whatever i see, is like so different from wadeva i hear.. or rather, it keep changing.. This moment, this way.. the other, the other way.. like WTF..

My life is totally being messed up.. * not blaming anyone*..
But i just feel so?
And i start to feel like self-torturing... especially.. never mind..
Just having a mixed feeling..
HAIS..

Even blog also cannot write in detail.. DUN WANT TO WRITE LE LA~ lols..

SEE?~ I am psycho! GOSH.. haha..

Lots of Love
NANAKO

梁静如听不到

2010-09-21T01:04:00.000+08:00

你听得到吗？
我真的好希望你可以听得到我心里的答案。
可是，应该没有机会了吧？
因为，有很多原因，是你，我，都不能接受的。

我的心情，就像是歌词里面所说的一样。
好希望可以听听你的声音，可是，就是鼓不起勇气，打电话给你。

着通电话，会打得出去吗？

Lots of love,Nanako

First KPOP dance competition....

2010-09-20T10:23:00.005+08:00

Yesterday is our FIRST KPOP DANCE COMPETITION!! Its organised by the TEENS magazine.. and BEATRICE thinks that we should sign up!! lols.. and then we got ourselves members.. AND AFTER 3 WEEKS, we managed to dance along with ABRACADABRA by BROWN EYED GIRLS.. haha..

I have to say its awesome.. especially for Junhao, Zihao and Sara.. they are first-timers.. but they do well.... though they do not have time.. they still try their best to finish the whole dance!! ISNT THAT GREAT!! *clap clap clap!* Well done People!! XXOO~~~

We met at 830 at CINELEISURE.. but in the end people was late, and i was a little late too.. so went to eat breakfast.. then set of to put make up.. while putting on makeup.. i did a little CAMWHORE.. lols.. while EVELYN helped me a bit too..

I have to say.. ZIHAO and JUNHAO.. are GENIUS.. they practically spammed the whole can of HAIR SPRAY on my hair -.- making my hair FREAKING HARD!! omg.. is like.. when you turn you will feel the pain.. gosh....

Lets see some of the pictures.. haha.. DURING and AFTER bah..^^

My personal HAIRSTYLIST.. hahaha.. looks so zhuan xin.. haha.. and it made my hair DAMN HARD.. keep spamming the hair wax and spray.. -.-

EVELYN and me.. haha.. the second hair juz looks like mine.. the first one looks like one of KARA de hairstyle.. haha.. COOL~~~

JUNHAO, EVELYN and me!! haha.. my face looks fatter on the left pic!!haha.. evelyn so cute luh.. haha.. Junhao still act cool, dun want to smile on the right picture.. hahaha...

KENG and me (LEFT).. WHY LOOKS SO SIAN?! walao! purposely de eh.. haha
SKYNE and me (RIGHT).. Not looking at the camera!! haha.. but its ok.. i look chio~ haha..

Didnt managed to take with BEAT.. cuz shes rushing her make up too.. hah..

We waited.. and went for the audition.. the JUDGES praised about my expression.. lols.. OK.. thank you JUDGE..!! lols..
After that.. went ARCADE.. played.. DDR.. I SUCK! omg.. haven been going to the arcade for like GOD KNOWS HOW LONG?!?! a lot of things i forget how to play alr! my gosh.. lols..

After that.. BEAT and KENG went off.. when we went for lunch... in CINELEISURE.. Wanted to go SING K after lunch.. but due to barget.. we decided not to do so.. so rotted outside KBOX.. for like dn know how long.. when we decided to go for movie instead.. watched DEVIL... its nth at the start.. BUT I GOT SHOCKED in the end.. lols..

SHOCKED till i juz grabbed onto junhao de arm.. haha.. SORRY JUNHAO~ lols..
i have to say that i realise that DEVILS.. always have no white colour in their eyes.. haha...
I wonder how they get the contact lens.. WITH FULL BLACK for the eyes eh.. lols..

After movie, we all decided to go FAR EAST PLAZA.. evelyn went to meet her friends, while Zihao, Junhao and me.. went for shopping.. I was looking for the salon to WASH MY FREAKING HARD HAIR... but its so ex.. -.-

While looking for Salon.. JUNHAO was practically looking at clothes.. and keep wanting to get it.. lols.. i practially used PULLING.. to get him out the shop.. and then.. went to TAKA.. cuz he recommended his aunt's salon..

BUT... its too ex.... but in the end.. the aunt or rather... the boss of the salon, let me have a free hair wash... omg.. haha.. so nice~ haha..

THANK YOU JUNHAO's AUNT~~ hahaha....

i have to say his aunt is so pretty! hahaha..
went home after that.. I SLEPT ALMOST THE WHOLE JOURNEY~
hahaha.. so happy.. lols.. i love LONG TRIPS.. lols..

i fell in love with my hair.. cuz of the hairwash.. haha.. first time.. feel that my hair so light and smooth OMG>. haha.. happy..
Alright.. i think i should stop.. this is going to be A LONG POST! hahha..
Overall i enjoyed yesterday.. haha.. its fun..

LOTS OF LOVE
NANAKO

Trust

2010-09-17T08:56:00.002+08:00

This post is not meant for anyone.. IF YOU THINK ITS FOR YOU, then jiu for you bahh..

What is the real meaning of TRUST? Its a mutual understanding between friends. Friends will only come if you were to give your TRUST.. if you dont, then you will not get it.. I have to admit that yesterday, my mood is not that good.. due to my period.. and.. YOU JUST ADD IT ALL UP.. to make my day EVEN WORSE... not pushing blame.. as saying..

Firstly you made me angry by ASSUMING something. Beatrice and I were just hoping to go through bus as it's faster. So we were just trying to suggest another option, hoping to eat as soon as possible, because i need to leave for home early, before 11PM. Junhao can ask nicely like " why want to take bus? didnt we agree on taking train?" And his tone is WAY NICER.. You juz pulled him along and say "AIYA.. THEY WANT TO HAVE GIRLS' TALK LA!" when we are not even having one? Like come on.. is that a need to say as if everything is under YOUR CONTROL? We were just trying to be nice, to give alternatives, and you just push him away and say something that you are so sure of.. what made you SO CONFIDENT? so please DO NOT ASSUME.. if you are unsure of something.. ASK.. IN A NICER TONE.. then this will be an ASSUMPTION..

Secondly she want to go home alone or with you, IS HER OWN PROBLEM! If you want to ask WHY, and when people tell you, BELIEVE IT! Dont keep dont trust as keep asking, I WANT THE TRUTH.. sometimes, things are just SIMPLE till that theres no reason or explanation to it AT ALL. So just suck it up. If you want to know, and when people tell you, LISTEN AND BELIEVE! Dont keep asking why this. why that. There no SO MUCH WHY.... Dont say you didnt do it.. Cuz i can say that i dont get angry and i dont flare up for no apparent reason.. And i dont flare up if its your first time..

Thirdly the way you talk, sometimes make people feel like you are threatening people. We told you the truth, you dont believe, then you say, " ok lor, i go take bus." Please stop it. Cuz we owe you nothing? We can just let you rot down there and clementi and EMO TILL YOU DIE.. but as a friend, we will try to accompany you and make you feel better. Instead, you step over it. People dont tell you what you want to hear, you walk away.. What is this? If you were to do that on her, she might just walk off and never talk to you EVER AGAIN..

Enough is just enough. My limit towards this is already enough. And its either you change it or you FOREVER dont talk to me.. Its ok if you dont talk to me.. I am ok.. and i dont mind AT ALL.. like seroiusly.. cuz i somehow had enough.

You treat me as AN INFORMATION COUNTER.. then just be it.. I tried my best to answer your questions.. AND YOU NEVER BELIEVE.. Its like almost never.. Its as good as when you did something good, people dont see it. Instead, you keep gettng blamed for nothing. Do you think next time, others still want to tell you stuff?

and also, please make up your mind when you talk.. dont this.. then that again.. cuz if so, no one know whats going on.. and PLS SPEAK UP FROM YOUR MIND.. its not PROMOTING.. its just SHARING.. if the MOST BASIC of that, you also dont know, then i dont know what i can say already. OK.. examples.. just like yesterday... ABOUT DREAMS.. i can just say.. oh, i used to dreamt that my grandpa blah blah blah.. this is call sharing. I let people know about my grandpa, someone who is close to me. I am not asking anyone to pity me. I am not promoting myself. Instead, i am trying to let you guys know me better by letting you guys know my grandpa better. THIS IS CALL SHARING.. if you dont share.. DO NOT EXPECT OTHERS TO SHARE..

Ok.. this is just a venting post.. so incident over, problem past.. Only when you think you want to talk about it.. then we shall talk about it.. but by that time, please use some brains to talk..

Loves
Nanako

MY HAIR!!!

2010-09-14T12:53:00.002+08:00

Yess.. like wad i wrote in the title.. It has sth to do with my hair..
Actually even before BEATRICE cut her hair short, i wanted to cut mine.. till damn freaking short.. juz that i dont really dare..

But looking back at the pictures that i had when i was a young kid.. i think i look GREAT is short hair.. hahaha.. SO... what can i do about it? Hmm..

I wanted to cut this hair now..

Actually this hair has no diff as my current one.. juz that my side will be cut off.. to make myself looks damn guyish.. lols.. which i think its nice? ahahha..

Of course.. was thinking of going for this..

But Mummy disapproved the fringe.. she say CANNOT COVER THE EYE!!! -.-
sian.. the whole special part of this hairstyle is that everything its slanted!!! SIAN~~~
I dont mind having my sides short.. as long as i get to get this kind of hair style..
then JUNHAO keep saying.. WALAO.. look like ghost eh..
wtf.. i think he's blind man.. hahaha..

But BEATRICE thinks its cool.. haha.. WHICH I AGREE TO IT!! hahaha..

Still convincing my mum to let me cut this.. haha..
if not the short one..
HAHA..
Any suggestions too? lols...

OF COURSE!! if you got any new or nice hairstyle.. i think can juz let me know.. THANKS..

XXOO..
Loves..
NANAKo!!!

我到底怎么了？

2010-09-13T23:54:00.002+08:00

听着歌曲，我泪水就这样的滑了下来。我到底怎么了？为什么会突然之间讨厌自己？为什么会突然之间觉得自己好没有用？为什么会这样？我平时的潇洒和自信呢？为什么就在这一瞬间就完全销毁了呢？

为什么我突然有一种从天堂掉下来的痛呢？为什么我会觉得那么痛呢？到底发生了什么事情？可笑吧？就连我自己都不知道我到底在哭什么。好像白痴噢~

是不是不被诅咒了？是不是我永远都得不到幸福？我好讨厌现在的自己！真的好讨厌。好希望可以消失在这个世界。是不是我的日子到了？是不是我应该离开了？

到时候，我是不是快乐的离开？我会不会留恋这里的一切？我的心里，会不会又舍不得？会不会放不下？如果是的话，我好希望离开。为什么要活得那么痛苦呢？

如果我也可以向在我的朋友面前那么开朗开心的话，就好了。

Lots of love,Nanako

Love.... or not....

2010-09-10T11:07:00.003+08:00

My whole body is aching.. and i am burning.. i guess...
Feeling so giddy.. and puked.. early in the morning..
Dont feel like going anywhere.. but juz hide on the bed to slack, sleep and do wadeva shit..
But what can I do?

Mummy juz barged into the room and asked me up.. and then lecture my sister, cousin and me.. Wadeva.. doesnt wanna go into that..

Eldest in the family is always someone who has more responsible.. And.. NO TALK BACK!!
Well.. doesnt matter to me now...

He looked up at me through his impossibly long lashes, his golden eyes soft but, somehow, still scorching. "I promise to love you forever - every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"
I whispered, "Yes."

Looking at the quote.. I hope that my boyfriend can be EDWARD CULLENS.. he is like the perfect guy ever.. All in his mind, heart.. is Bella Swan... How could that be possible? Nowadays, is there any guys willing to love forever.. every single day? I think thats almost impossible.. and unable to find.. isnt it?

And looking Back.. I am sure peple have watched the It Started With a Kiss drama by Ariel Lin and Joe Cheng.. Sometimes, i wish that.. i am juz like that girl.. If i were to be like her.. and WORK HARD.. and NEVER GIVE UP.. who knows i might find my MR. RIGHT?

But how long more?

Well.. cant hurry on that.. isnt it?
CUz all this is written in our fate book the momnet we were born.. RIGHT??!!?!

Alright..

Ciao~

Nanako

Exam Period

2010-09-08T11:46:00.002+08:00

ITS EXAM PERIOD!!!! lols..

I juz finish my IA.. and i think.. ITS BAD!!!
I am so gonna retain like crazy... LOLS....

I still have one more paper left.. MATHS :"(
Even more worse man..

ANYWAY...
WE ARE GOING TO DO ABRA!!
OMG.. so excited.. hahaha..
cant wait for the practice today..

Must work hard hard.. but so irritating eh..
people dun wan to work together eh.. hais..
:(

its ok.. i am sure we will be able to manage it somehow
:)
HAHA

ok.. I got nth to post.. so i put on some lyrics bah.. lols

雨后晴朗天气
如此神奇那像是一种命中注定
许愿一个奇迹
在未来有幸福的画笔
我的骄傲表情
都是因为
你疼爱我像超级巨星
从现在给了爱快乐气息
一种想爱声音
那是不顾一切的决定
而你给我的不只是鼓励
爱已渐渐占据
我的心
呼吸爱的勇气
不管呼啸的雨
让爱不由自主
奔向你
带着自信回应
抛掉犹豫和你零距离
呼吸爱的氧气
有种爱的肯定
都是因为有你
我踮起脚尖亲吻了你
快握紧我的手
爱情爱情
降临两颗心
赖雅妍-爱的勇气
最爱小樱
我的坚定语气
都是遇上
你改变我的所有心情
从现在给了爱纯真旋律
一种想爱声音
那是不顾一切的决定
而你给我的不只是鼓励
爱已渐渐占据
我的心
呼吸爱的勇气
不管呼啸的雨
让爱不由自主
奔向你
带着自信回应
抛掉犹豫和你零距离
呼吸爱的氧气
有种爱的肯定
都是因为有你
我踮起脚尖亲吻了你
快握紧我的手
爱情爱情
降临两颗心
转角*遇到爱电视原声带
呼吸爱的勇气
不管呼啸的雨
让爱不由自主
奔向你
带着自信回应
抛掉犹豫和你零距离
呼吸爱的氧气
有种爱的肯定
都是因为有你
我踮起脚尖亲吻了你
快握紧我的手
爱情爱情
甜蜜爱情爱情
降临两颗心

爱情的勇气。你有吗？
你现在所拥有的爱情是不是因为你的勇气而来的？
就是因为有一方的勇气，所以才会有这段恋情。
请好好珍惜那位的勇气。
因为。。。爱是需要勇气的。
就只有勇气，才可以克服难关，努力不懈。
情人们！加油

Lot of Love
Nanako

2010-09-05T20:08:00.002+08:00

合：oh you light up my life 
所以我也希望我们心中频率都一样
女:梦加点感觉
男:思念装上翅膀
合:爱是无限可能的飞翔
oh—you light up my life 
我想让你分享
我们心动时分的梦想
女:这是一个开始
男:还是一种分享
男女:未来正在等待不是吗　－－－－－　恋爱频率

因为我们的一切，都好像是命中注定。至少，我是那么觉得的。
有着相同的频率，会不会擦出火花？　会不会是一种开始？
就如歌词所说的：未来正在等待不是吗？


E:只有我了解 这幸福感觉   
美得值得去付出一切  
能够遇见你认识你喜欢你爱上你  
感谢我每滴眼泪  
S:只有你明白 我有多珍贵  
好得值得你为我改变  
H:请你继续温柔 交换我 灿烂笑容  
一天一天 到永远那一天　　－－－－－就为爱上你

你会去珍惜你现在所拥有的幸福吗？你了解了幸福的感觉吗？
那么，现在你还会觉得付出是一种痛苦吗？
还是你觉得，为了你那位应该珍惜的人，　你应该好好的改变自己？
也希望那个心意，会一直一直的永远的存在下去。


我找不到很好的原因去阻挡这一切的亲密
这感觉太奇异我抱歉不能说明
我相信这爱情的定义奇迹会发生也不一定
风温柔得清晰也许飘来好消息

我才发现你很耀眼
请让我再瞧瞧你的双眼
没有人了解
没有人像我和陌生人的爱恋

我想我会开始想念你
可是我刚刚才遇见了你
我怀疑这奇遇只是个恶作剧
我想我已慢慢喜欢你
因为我拥有爱情的勇气
我任性投入你给的恶作剧
你给的恶作剧 　－－－－恶作剧

可能，只是刚刚认识不久。可是就是有说不完的话。慢慢的，就会掉进陷阱里去。
虽然我知道，这有可能是一场恶作剧。可是，还是心甘情愿的陷了进去。这是太喜欢了，还是太傻了？



fly away 无穷无尽是你深邃的眼睛
看着你就可以让我茫茫人海里感到安定
fly away 当我不顾一切无止尽追寻
有一个人有一颗心才仅默默之中在那里－－－－－Fly Away

看到你，我就会觉得无比的安心。你的一个举动，就可以让我那么的快乐。还记得那次我哭得很伤心吗？可是看到了你，所有的眼泪，就没有了。
为什么会这样呢？
为什么就只有你可以给我这种安定？
可是，你的心里，会有我吗？


Lots of LOVE
NANAKO!!!

苦茶

2010-09-05T03:17:00.003+08:00

微微笑的看你.越是认真.就越让人.心疼.
街头那盏路灯.仿佛在笑我.愚笨.
没什么能做.但我比谁都真诚.
泡一杯苦茶.陪伴你到夜深
你知不知道.你总有一种.很可爱的独特
让我充满勇气.抵抗冬天的寒冷
怎样做才会完美.像个男人
喝一杯苦茶.温暖你的体温
不用等你开口先说我爱你
在那之前想对你说.我愿意
你不必问.你也不必等
这一刻.就值得爱到永恒
我该如何让你明白我爱你
在那之后你点头说我愿意
想照顾你.想守护着你
这一刻.只想把你抱紧

你知不知道你也有一种很可爱的天真
大男孩的口吻.美丽加到一百分
怎样做才会完美.像个男人
(像个男人)
喝一杯苦茶温暖你的体温
不用等你开口先说我爱你
在那之前想对你说.我愿意
你不必问.你也不必等
这一刻.就值得爱到永恒
我该如何让你明白我爱你
在那之后你点头说我愿意
想照顾你.想守护着你
这一刻.只想把你抱紧

虽然永远.太不可能少了你的完整
两个对的人.奇迹就能发生
不用等你开口先说我爱你
在那之前想对你说.我愿意
你不必问.你也不必等
这一刻.就值得爱到永恒
我该如何让你明白我爱你
在那之后你点头说我愿意
想照顾你.想守护着你
这一刻.只想把你抱紧
这一刻.只想把你抱紧

恋爱，就像是在和茶一样。
刚刚进去的时候，非常的苦。苦到你连第二口也不想喝了。
可是，时间久了，你就会觉得，其实茶非常的清凉，也喝出了甜蜜。
在你心里，是不是也有那位让你觉得就像在和茶一样的人呢？
刚刚开始，虽然艰苦，可是到后来，越来越好，越来越甜蜜？

这是一种幸福。要珍惜。不要等到失去了，才来哭泣。这些都是上天给你的礼物。要好好的珍惜。

爱，是人生不可缺少的东西。
要好好地爱

Lots of Love
Nanako

What is wrong with me again?

2010-09-05T01:27:00.004+08:00

recently many things happened.. Pressure from family, friendship.. well.. now add on to it bah.. i dont know wads wrong with me.. Maybe its juz a crush? i dont know.. I know whats the result.. but i still drop into the trap.. How smart...

I know i dont stand a chance.... for like dun know how long.. but it juz came.. Juz give me one day.. And i promise i will arrange my feeling well.. and this will never affect.. iwill keep this secret deep in my heart.. and hope it will go away soon..

"Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars -- points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."
--Edward Cullen

Lots of love
Nanako

I have nothing to lose

2010-09-01T23:15:00.001+08:00

I think i am going to be alone once again..
I thought i was used to that feeling.. but now then i know that i am not used to it..
But what can i?
NOTHING...

Since i have nothing to lose.. i shall just list down my wish list..
How i wish, i never exist in this world..

I let my family get disappointed with me since the day i was born..
Made my mum feel disappointed with me with wadeva shit i do..

I am juz a freaking bitch that cheat people's feeling..

HEY! I GOT MY PAYBACK ALREADY!

How great was that? i think many people are going to have a feast like now..

HOW GREAT IS THAT!!

maybe i juz deserve it.. serve me right..

Maybe even if i were to leave this freaking world.. no one will give a damn..
I think people wil be so happy to let me leave this world..

Should i make this the last post? like the last post ever in my life?

Lots of love,Nanako

自私的自己

2010-09-01T03:39:00.003+08:00

我应该怎么做。有时候，人就是这么矛盾。要这样，也要那样。可是，我只是想单单纯纯的作事情，想事情。可是有时候，别人不会这么看，也不会这么觉得。有时候，我真的很讨厌我自己。有时候，就因为自己固执，觉得，这就是我。。所以通常都不想想，也不怎么管别人的感受。

有时候，真的不是有意要去伤害的。可是一旦伤害到，就很难再回到以前了。有时候，我只想开心的笑，开心的过我的每一天。可是有时候，人生就是这样的。有时候，你越不想伤害的人。通常是经常被伤害的那一个。有时候，我会觉得自己好没有用，活在这个世界上，好像是多余的。因为我带了的，不是欢乐。是悲伤。

或许，以后，我不应该那样。这样，就不会伤害到任何人了。

Lots of love,Nanako

Stressed.. Exams coming!!

2010-09-01T03:20:00.003+08:00

YES.. I AM STRESSED! I am still studying for ANATOMY LIKE NOW?!?!?!
Omg..

Exams is coming around the corner.. or rather.. its like later..
AND.. i am not prepared.. waa.. shit die liao lor!!

Mechanics is like next monday?
Followed by IA which is like 2 days later that..
FOllwed by Maths.... which is the most jialat one.. next next wed..
OMG..
I HATE EXAMS!! TO THE MAX!!!
like seriously?

Who like exam sia..
Maybe cuz looking forwards to holidays MAYBE..
BUT I AM NOT!!!
Holiday is SIAN.. like SIAN!!!

Omg.. haha..
Ok.. shall go nap for a while before going to school to study liao.. ahhaa..
GOOD NIGHT PEOPLE!!!

Lots of love,Nanako

港湾

2010-08-25T01:34:00.002+08:00

我的心，今天彻底的凉了。总以为，我得了全世界。可是，我是最重的失败者。我总以为，我的世界，是那么的美好，那么的让人羡慕。平时，在别人眼里，我总是表现得光鲜亮丽，可是，说穿了，我只是一个失败者。

一直以来，我都在寻找我的港湾。可以让我依靠的地方。说得没错，友情万岁。可是，感觉还是不一样的。但是，当你看到你的朋友身边都是一大堆的男生，可是，在看看自己的身边吧，有一个真的为我动情的男生吗？

你们一定会说有。没错，我有。可是，都是曾经了。现在呢？我也不能有什么奢望了。可能，我就是没有桃花源。或许，我终究要孤单的过我的生活。当看着朋友们成双成对的时候，我也只能在一旁羡慕了。或许，这就是我的宿命，我的命运。这是我怎么也无法改变的事实。

或许，我只是在多愁善感。可是，今天的心情怎么都提不起来。也不知道我怎么了。我的心里面，开始有了空空的感觉。好像有一个人把它掏空了。现在我是一个没有心情的人。现在的感觉也是一片空白的。或许，这就是我的人生。

我只能接受，只能承受。

不管怎么样，等下见到人，我还是会给他们看到我最灿烂的笑容。因为，我不想破坏我在他们心里“美好”的形象。

不管人做的多么的失败，也不可以让别人看到了。
不管心里面有多么痛苦，也不可以让别人看到。
不管多么想流泪，也不可以在别人面前流。

这是我唯一可以做的事情。

Whats the problem?

2010-08-23T18:33:00.002+08:00

Seriously, I dont get it.. People are talking about how ugly i am.. when currently all my post are filled with WORDS...

Well... whats wrong with being UGLY? At least i dont do things like insulting people? Maybe you are just TOO UGLY.. and laughing at others MAKES YOU FEEL PRETTIER.. if this can make you feel BETTER.. then i dun mind letting you laugh..

If you are so bored, why not go for some courses, to improve yourself.. AND YOUR BRAIN.. I just find your brain needs more knowledge..

Please just find something and do.. Cuz how i look.. CANNOT be chosen.. Neither can you.. If you are so pretty, then why dont you come and talk to me FACE TO FACE, rather than hide behind that pathetic screen with a FAKE NAME? Whats that to hide about? Maybe cuz you look hideous too? Dont say you look better than me.. Cuz why? NO EVIDENCE NO PROOF..

NO ONE.. would say ownself is ugly..
AND.. i NEVER say i am pretty or anything.. so whats that to argue about?
If you have a problem with how i look? WHY NOT SUE ME?!
If i get charged for how i look, then i will let you guys insult till you guys happy.. How about that?

So.. I dare those who spam on my blog.. Either GROW SOME GUTS AND BALLS.. and talk to me FACE TO FACE..
IF NOT.. juz F OFF..

I dun nid your comment..
Its my blog.. my rights.. I once said.. not happy with my post.. or picture.. then dun come!!
You wanted to make yourself unhappy about it.. then blame on others? What BULLSHIT is this?
CHILDISH..

Lots of love,Nanako

I will love you forever

2010-08-19T01:47:00.002+08:00

I always know that Dogs are loyal and faithful to their owner..
No matter what you do to them, they will still be there for you no matter what..
But seeing this video, made me cry.. and i am still crying...

Take a look here...

Humans are always selfish with their feelings. And they are afraid that they might not get anything back from this action.. However, for dogs, no matter how bad you treat them, to them, you are their friends.. and they will love you. Even if you were to abandon them, they will still love you..

So why is people abusing them? Why are there still animal abuse in the world?
Why cant they love your dog?

taking care of them is juz like taking care of a new born baby..
They need love and care..
Just like how you treat your kid..
You will have to spend time with them, have fun with them..

Dun let yourself regret only after they leave you..
Cuz to them.. you will always be their only friend..
Dont forget.. Dont leave them.. instead.. LOVE them..

Fuji.. i will always love you..
Even though sometimes, you are really annoying.. but you are always there for me when i need someone.. And you made me feel a lot better everytime..
I will promise to take care of you.. and not make myself regret..
Because i know, i am your only friend.. I will love you for the rest of my life.. and this is a promise that i will fulfil..

Love
Nanako

I HATE LIFE

2010-08-17T22:21:00.001+08:00

i dont know why people juz love to laugh at me..
when i having long hair.. people laugh at me..
when i having short hair.. people also laugh at me..

Maybe i juz look ugly..
Or maybe i juz look weird..
cuz seriously.. i got a little irritated by it..

I am juz a normal person..
Plus all these, are not being controlled by me..
Why do you guys jus wanna laugh?

does laughing at me makes you guys looks better?
Why cant you guys juz stand my shoe and THINK FOR ME?!

FML..

Love
Nanako

放弃

2010-08-15T23:54:00.002+08:00

到目前为止，我觉得，自己好像放弃了好多东西。可是，有时候，别人会觉得你牺牲的不够多。你可以说：“你当然说自己放弃了很多东西。人不为己，天诛地灭”。可是，你是否有站在我的立场想一想。一直以来，你只是想过你自己的立场。那，我的呢？

是的，有时候，我非常的任性。我希望有人可以珍惜我。可是我错了。这个世界，没有人会珍惜你。只有你自己会珍惜自己。只要你自己自爱，爱惜自己，才会有人爱你。

或许人生就是这样。往往都不会在自己的身上寻找错误的答案。这就是人的本能。

可是回想起来，我的人生，好像都建立在埋怨里。为什么呢？

我可以说，有时候，或许我已经放下了。可是，别人没有。就导致成我也不愿意认输。就因为这份自尊心，而闹得不可开交。其实，有时候，一人让一步，就海阔天空了。

可是人，往往不会这么做。

最近，发生了很多东西，让我觉得，其实，我也有错。
可是，我不知道要怎么说。导致成事情无法挽救。

说了这么多，好像也起不了什么作用。
之前我写过一个城市女孩，还有个农村男孩的故事。
现在，我好像写城市男孩，和农村女孩的故事。不知道会怎么样。。

我看我还是下次些吧~你们也写写看哦~

Lots of love,Nanako

Boredom building in...

2010-08-15T10:13:00.002+08:00

YEAH~ I am bored...
....
.....
.......
.....
...

OF COURSE BORED LA! Woke up at this kind of hour ON A SUNDAY! How boring is that.. But no choice.. Her Majesty woke me up... And now she cooking our lunch.. May is going back this wednesday for some visiting.. So for 1 WHOLE MONTH.. i have to be a good girl, with GREAT manners... GOOD posture... BE LIKE A PRINCESS!!! lols.. literally one sia.. GOSH! MY LIFE!!
HAHA..

Anyway.. recently life has being really boring ever since i start having holidays.. Except for NATIONAL DAY.. It was fun with Dave, Beatrice, Cindy and Irene! HAHA.. Dave was like so funny.. Now Cindy and Irene are talking about him every now and then.. AND.. i still cannot get over the SEE HOW issue.. HAHA.. freaking funny...

Next is about the YOG.. i am so excited over THE GAME.. lols.. wanted to see real action!! YEAH BABY~ haha.. the opening ceremony was boring at first.. AND I FELL ASLEEP.. after that, i was laughing during the intro of the countries.. The people rep actualy went the wrong way as the "guide" HAHA.. SO FREAKING FUNNY.. In the end.. we ended up playing games while watching.. CUZ ITS BORED TILL THE MAX.. lols..

Well.. today was nothing.. Except i will have to go teach.. -.- BOREDOM.. why is my life so boring?! OH NO! I have to study!!! So next week.. i will be going to school to study.. Anyone interested jus give me a call HOR!! LOLS.. haha..

PSPS.. no pic post.. cuz i am lazy to take pic recently.. CUZ MY HAIR IS UGLY!!

Lots of love,Nanako

What is right, What is wrong

2010-08-07T00:54:00.002+08:00

Seriously, Sometimes, i dont get it..
Like today..
I was worried.. and this is not the FIRST TIME..
Many times, something like that happens, you gave this " oh.. you worried ar.. ok lor" that kind of tone and expression..
It really trigger me and made me damn pissed off..

I know you want to have fun..
And i am ok with it..
But sometimes, can you pls dun be like this?

Today... i am pissed.. cuz i cant find you all..
BOTH..
I CALLED THE BOTH OF YOU..
STILL.. cannot find you..

so i chose to ignore you.. cuz i am really pissed..
Cuz i know.. if i were to say.. ugly words will come out.. And the both of us.. will fight..
And also.. when you leave, i asked if you wanna come along.. you said you dont wanna rush.. and your tone makes me feel like i did something wrong..

So i chose to leave first..
and when i see you.. you dont seems to wanna talk to me too..

I texted you, telling you i am sorry for ignoring you..
And i hope to talk things out..
And now you are not replying me..

Did i really did something that made you have to do something like that.. to me?
Like why?

Cuz when i try to make things better.. NOTHING is getting better..

Sometimes, i really feel that maybe i am not impt..
Cuz my feelings.. are just extra.. that you dont really care..

Now.. who can i talk to..

Lots of love,Nanako

Peace

2010-08-03T18:54:00.002+08:00

Sitting at Moberly. Alone, just keeping everything to myself. I somehow just realised that everything can be so peaceful, if you really want to. I have to agree with Evelyn. "Why do you have to make your life so miserable?" True. There are a lot of things in my life that can make me so happy, so lively and so meaningful. Why do i always brood over the same old issue? Is it because of pride? Is it because of anger or is it because of something else?

I am unsure about what i want. I tried to do what i want myself to do. But, nothing seems to be driving me to do it. All the smiles that people see are just a mask for me to show that " I am fine, I am alright, its okay dont worry much about me." But deep inside, am i really alright? Am i really fine?

Sometimes, i would blame myself for not be good enough in acting. But sometimes, i really wish i could stop acting. I hope that i could just burst out in tears, cry my lungs out just for once. Maybe this could make me feel a lot a lot better. But i dont have the courage to do so. I dont have the balls or guts to do so. I want my pride. I dont want to show anyone that i am hurt. But in the end, i get nothing but torturement.

I guess people should just say " Serve you right!" Maybe that would make me feel ton lots of better.. But nope.. it doesnt..

So now, i am alone, trying to think of what to do.. Study? Nope.. nothing is going into me..
Home? nope.. nothing warming is in there already. All i would do will just be drama, chat, talk on the phone.

Then what should i do? OH! Got it.. Remember past few days, Beatrice asked me " What will happen between a CITY girl and a VILLAGE boy?" She even asked people to write a story out of it..
Maybe i should write it?
hmmm.. okok..

A story between CITY girl and a VILLAGE boy

Normally, people would see City girl as someone who has a lot of life.
They have nothing lack in them.
Money, Friends, Entertainment. They have everything in them.
They will never get bored with their life. Instead, their everyday is filled with fun and laughter.
Their dressing will have changes everyday. To them, all these are a must.. But there are something lacking in them but they themselve cant see.

As for a Village boy, he came from somewhere where there are only his families, friends and himself. Not much of entertainment like what you see in the City. However, he have things that a City girl wouldnt have. And its something that the City Girl will never get it.

When the Village boy just came into the City, everything to him seems... so strange.
So weird and so different. He misses his friends, family and everything that he is used to.
however, he had to learn how to be independent. So he held on.
He is more hardworking than the other City Boy. He know that having what he is having now, is like a gift from the heaven. He know how to treasure it and be grateful to it.

One day, both of them met. Slowly they got together, as a couple.
However, both are from different world.
At first, both are very happy in the relationship.
Slowly, the City girl start to miss her single life. The days where she can go out with her friends.
However, the Village boy hope to be with her forever, and never be apart.

Quarrels and unhappiness start to built in.
Many times, City girl hope to back to her old life.
But Village boy held on. He knew that, if he were to give up just like this, he will regret next time in his life.

Soon, Village boy went to improve himself by learning new stuff.
All the things he does, he hopes that one day, the girl will be impressed by him.
He doesnt care if it is of what he likes. As long the girls does, everything would be fine.

Soon, the relationship came to an end.
By then they realise that..
Both of them used different ways to love each other.

City girl felt that giving the person trust will be best of both of them. In a relationship doesnt mean that you have to be with each other 24/7. Sometimes, personal space might be good too. She feels that, rather than giving into everything, voicing out would be better. Rather than just letting her have anything and everything she wants.

Village boy felt that loving her would be there for her for everything. He feels that taking care of her every part, is what a responsible guy should be doing. He doesnt mind giving up his freedom with his friends up just to be with her. All the while, no matter how unhappy, he would just let it be, because he feels that giving in would be the best way to show how much he love her. To him, loving her means pampering her.

Till then, both of them realise. But its a little too late for them.

Till now, i see a lot of things similar in the people around me.
Different way of loving, cause conflicts between people.
If they could just learn to learn in the other person's way.. Wil a relationship last long enough?
I really wonder

Alright.... CIAO~

Love
Nanako

Think, thought, thought

2010-07-31T18:03:00.002+08:00

Have been thinking a lot ever since the first time you talked to me after that incident.
I thought you were true about your apologies, which made me apologise too.

But what is it when you told me how disappointed you were of me?
Dont tell me that you are disappointed with me..
I am too..

In this world, there isnt only you the one who is feeling disappointed.
I feel disappointed too.
But do you see me shouting at you just because i am disappointed?
I kept quiet, everytime you disappoint me.
I kept it to myself, hoping that slowly you would start to realise it and change.

You would say.. You should learn to accept who i am..
Yes.. i did.. But it resulted in not being myself..
And this is not what i want.

Certain changes made is to make oneself better and not because of not loving what you are..
However, you are stubborn enough...

Yes.. changing is tough.. i totally agree to it.
But do you have determination?
Do you really consistently change, persistently change?

You dont..
Lets talk about clothings then..
After we have told you about the top you wear..
you will only change for 2 days.. and after that, you will NEVER EVER wear it back again..
till the next time we asked you to..

Why?
Its such a small matter and issue.. but yet you still dun want to do it.
Instead of being disappointed with me now, why not explain?

You never let me know how you feel about whatever things i do..
All along, you just walk away, keep quiet.
THis made me dont know you at all.
Where is all the promises that you once made?
You promised that no secrets.
But you kept all your emotions to yourself..

Then, i will think that wadeva i do is correct and you are fine with it..
And now you are disappointed.
Isnt it all you who did it?

If you were to tell me once.. hey.. i dont like it..
But i still dont change.. well, i will definitely apologise for it..
But do you?

Please dont go around telling people you love me..
because from wadeva i see.. you dont..
If you do.. where are your actions?
WHere is it?

So stick with your choice, suck it up..

Love
Nanako

失落和伤心

2010-07-26T23:14:00.001+08:00

每一次看到你，总希望你可以和以前一样和我打一声招呼。
不管我有多么的无理取闹，你都会一笑置之。
还是和以前一样的对我好。

可是自从那次后，你就再没有和我说话了。
已经有1个星期了。
你不曾好好的看看我。
即使是看我，也是充满恨的眼神。

不管我表妹有多么的不喜欢你，可是我还是一直在她那里说好话。
不管我多不习惯你的一些所作所为，在你面前，我都表现得不开心。可是在别人面前，我从来都不表现出来。
为了你，我愿意和我以前的朋友断绝关系，就因为要你安心。
可是，这一切在你吼我的那一天, 都结束了。

我想不到，你居然会那么的开心。
没有我，你是不是比较自由，比较开心？
没有我，你是不是比较舒畅？
没有我，你是不是不会那么的压抑？

如果是这样的话，我好希望我可以永远的消失在你的面前，再也不要出现了。
看到你在那里那么开心的笑，我的心真得好痛。
难道你一点也没有想要解决问题吗？

一直以来，都是我要解决，可是这次，我不知道要怎么解决了。
因为我不知道要怎么做。
真的。
如果你现在比较开心的话，我会离开你，彻彻底底的离开你的世界，你的视线，再也不会回来了。
我错了。

或许，我们从来都不应该开始过。
我多希望，这是我最后一次流眼泪，最后一次伤心，最后一次，觉得自己那么的无助。

我令很多人失望了。
对不起。

BOREDOM

2010-07-19T14:38:00.004+08:00

I AM SO SO SO SO BORED!!!
GOSH!!
LOLS..

No one as bored as me liao la..
Just finish running.. and come back from shower.. LOLS

OK.. shall put some pictures.. SO THAT WE WUN FALL ASLEEP!
STH THAT I LOVE AND I AM INTERESTED!!! HAHA

FIRST THING!
YAMADA RYOSUKE

MY FIRST LOVE!!
OMG... how cute is he?!?!?!
HAHA.. he has become more and more handsome.. that now he is like the HOT member in HSJ.. HAHA...
GOT SEH WOR~!~~~

NEXT!!!
CHINEN YUURI

SEE HOW COOL AND HOT HE BECAME?!?!?!?!
He used to be able to be damn damn damn damn cute!!!!
BUT THEN...... NOW CHANGED!!!!!! HAHAHAHA...
I am sure he can still do his backflip.. HHA..

NEXT!!! MY CURRENT FAVOURITE!!
ARIOKA DAIKI

SO SHUAI RIGHT?!
should see his smile.. seriously.. it really warms your heart... and makes you feel damn happy no matter how bad your day is.. HAHA.. LOVE YOU!!!!!
lols

OK.. next.. aiya.. lazy to put.. tomorrow luh..

SEE HOW LUH~~~

LOVES
Nanako

You think you are the RIGHT one?

2010-07-18T01:35:00.002+08:00

Dont think your voice is louder than mine, i am afraid of you..
Think of what you have done..

What i am pissed off about is just about your irresponsibility..
You can say how irresponsible is Keng that time during the prank..
THEN HOW ABOUT YOU?!
Arent you self-slapping yourself now?

Even people whom we see how irresponsible, can AT LEAST call.. BEFORE sleeping..
WHY CAN YOU?!

Dun say you are tired...
EVERYONE is tired..
YOU are not the ONLY person in the world who is tired..
BEATRICE is tired..
KENNY is tired..
I AM tired too..
BUT.. do you see us being IRRESPONSIBLE to let each other know when we PROMISE that we will be there?
NO!!!

So in what rights do you have to be so REASONABLE for not being IRRESPONSIBLE?
You stil have the cheek to come and shout at me?AND SHOUT HOW TIRED YOU ARE..

Arent you even ashamed of yourself?
Live in this world for 20 years, yet you dont know what is being responsible..
even ISSAC.. whom you think is wtf.. WHO IS 17 YEARS OLD only.. KNOW WHAT TO DO..
How hopeless..

If i have anything unhappy with you, let you know right?
RIGHT?!

All along.. I DID..
but did you know? YOU DONT..
YOU are always the FIRST one to see and know if i am unhappy with you...
THEN.. i look for BEATRICE or KENNY..

But you?
You look for others first..
DONT TELL ME YOU DIDNT..

SUNDAY, sentosa.. YOU SAID SOMETHING TO KENNY RIGHT?!
After the FRIDAY, me being missing.. we haven being really talking.. YOU SAID SOMETHING TO KENNY.. RIGHT?!

Dont say you didnt..
Cuz KENNY said that SUNDAY you told him..
DUN COME BULLSHIT ME SAY YOU DIDNT....

IF YOU GOT THE GUTS.. COME STRAIGHT TO ME AND TALK TO ME..
IF NOT.. JUST FUCK OFF MY LIFE.. AND BE A BASTARD... AND A LOSER....
WANT YOUR PRIDE? COME LOOK FOR ME!!! I DARE YOU..

Dun nid to go around bitching about me..
CUZ I WILL DO THE SAME THING BACK TO YOU.. OR.. EVEN WORSE..
DUN TRY ME...
CUZ I SAY IT.. I MEAN IT..

NOT HAPPY?!
IF YOU DARE.. TALK IT DURING OUR LECTURE LUH!
LET EVERYONE IN YOUR CLASS.. AND MY CLASS KNOW..
IF YOU GOT THE GUTS....

phew.. feeling MUCH better..

Love Nanako

Disappointment

2010-07-14T16:46:00.002+08:00

I am really disappointed with wadeva i heard recently..
Why people keep thinking that I am the one at fault? ( OK.. I might sound a little childish.. but i juz to rant out.. before i really burst)

OK..
I know its a fact that he is good to me..
YES.. I KNOW..
But does people see the other side?
Why does people tend to listen/ see the louder side?
WHY?!
I dun get it eh..

So meaning, people who just kept quiet or just dun say what they have done are always the one who is not doing anything?
What bullshit is this?
Whatever i have done, only my CLOSE FRIENDS will know it..
They know what i have done, what i have not done..

They not only hear, they see as well.. BOTH SIDE..
But people around me.. MOST OF THEM just see one side.. OR.. HEAR one side..
which makes me feel very disappointed..

I tried my best to be the best.. but ended up, i got scolded or even blamed..
what is this?
I really dun get it..
Why is the world like that?

People who attract attention will ended up having more people to listen and look at you, whereas people who silently do their stuff will get into more trouble?

I really had enough alr..
Disappointment level high enough also...
I dont know when will it stop..
But i juz hope it will stop..
Cuz if not, no one is going to get crazy..
I will get driven crazy..

Seriously.. No joke..

Love
Nanako

梁靜茹 - 接受 MV

2010-07-09T03:01:00.000+08:00

仿佛上一分钟
你还陪在我左右
还以为我们会开花结果
我还记得玫瑰色天空
却模糊了我们的脸孔
哼过的歌到底是什么内容
仿佛已经自由
下一个我变成风
吹过你的脸孔 差点失控
回忆在夜里闹得很凶
我想我可以明白你所有的痛
想让你知道我懂
觉得心言不由衷
我们都接受
一定是彼此不够成熟
在爱情里分不了轻重
诚实的过了头
不能退后也无法向前走
爱是一个自私的念头
把寂寞消除的理由
剩下的那些感动
能记得多久
仿佛已经自由
下一个我变成风
吹过你的脸孔差点失控
回忆在在夜里闹得很凶
我想我可以明白你所有的痛
想让你知道我懂
我们都接受
一定是彼此不够成熟
在爱情里分不了轻重
诚实的过了头
不能退后也无法向前走
爱是一个自私的念头
把寂寞消除的理由
剩下的那些人都
能记得多久
我们都接受
一定是彼此不够成熟
在爱情里分不了轻重
诚实的过了头
不能退后也无法向前走
爱是一个自私的念头
把寂寞消除的理由
剩下的那些感动

------------------------------------------
或许，我们真的不够成熟。
我想我们应该接受这样的结果。
没有所谓的，不想，或是 不希望。

既然都已经走到这一步了。
也就只能放弃，继续走下去。

至于回忆。
我会把好的，都留着。不好的慢慢的淡忘吧。
虽然会痛， 可是，这是你的选择。我会尊重。

Lots of love,SiSi

First Tme

2010-07-07T10:51:00.006+08:00

There's always something that you will have to do for the first time..

Like first time crying for love
First time drinking
First time smoking and stufff......

And this is definitely the first time..

TO SEE ME DRINK!! HAHA..
ok.. you might say i copy beatrice.. but NO!
hers is 5% alcohol.. mine is 8% hor!! haha lets see some pic! haha

GOSH.. i love myeyes.. haha..

Beat say this pic nice.. haha.. haha.. its supposd to be seducing.. BUT PEOPLE SAY.. CUTE -.-

Tried to do contrasting.. but like fail ar.. haha.. HAHAHA.. at least this pic. people say i like pornstar.. HAHA>. Means i sexy?! LOLS.. haha.. lame

---------------------------------

别人或许会觉得我是恶魔。
可是我的心里是怎么样的一个人，我相信你应该比任何人都清楚。
现在，你的选择，就想一把刀一样的刺进了我的心里。

我还以为，你会和我一起努力。
可是失望的是，前一天你还说你还想。
可是今天，你就变了。

或许是我的错。
或许，我不应该这么做。

可是，这一切，都没有用了。哈哈。。
再会

Nanako

Will you really feel sorry

2010-06-25T17:11:00.002+08:00

Sorry..
I am sorry..
I promise i wun do it again..

Please forgive me..

But all these... does it really mean how you wanted it to be?
sometimes, i juz feel like all these are just bullshit..
And it sometimes turn me off whenever i see people saying it..

Cuz they just say.. and they act like nth happened, and they continue..

Yes.. Sometimes, i can..
But that will only happen to people whom i care..
Whom i love..
Cuz i know.. Love can erase everything..

But sometimes.. doing this to someone you love, its really hard to ask for apology..

Do you even feel sorry for wadeva you have done?

Do you even feel sorry for wadeva you have said?

I really feel that.. If you really feel sorry.. you should do something.. try to amend to it..
Cuz you do not only hurt that person..
You also hurt the people around her....
Think about what you have done..
And not, trying to tell the whole world how you are feeling..
And make people think that others have let you down.. when its you who let others down..

Please look back and take a look for wadeva you have done..
You said you were sorry..
You want to cover your sin, your guilt...
But will you able to do so?

Actin like nth has happened, will make you cover your sin, your guilt?
Acting like nth has happened, will make you feel like you have done nth wrong in your life?

Although everyone made mistake.. and they ought to be forgiven..
And people think that i should forgive people like you too..
But sadly.. i will forgive anyone or everyone but you..

Cuz you really disappoint me.. and also...
you dont feel sorry..
thats why i wun forgive you..
And will never i guess..

I dun care how much people will hate me for doing so..
But i myself will not be able to forgive you for doing all these things..

Continue to feel guilty..
and do nth.. and feel sorry..

Continue to show people how sad and emo you are..

Continue to show people how much you feel that you are not in the wrong.. instead.. others are...

So continue to live in it..
And good luck..

and be happy

P.S i am not saying anyone..
I am just randomly saying..
Unless you admit you are the one.. if not dun assume you are the one..
Thank you

Shanghai Trip-2

2010-06-15T15:16:00.012+08:00

Hihi!!

Finally back online again!!
OMG.. I MISS EVERYONE! haha..
My house is like so faraway from the office.. so totally cannot even get to internet access as easy as last time.. SAD!!

But its ok.. i will try my best best to be on!! LOLS.. so....

OK.. so picture time.. i guess it helps to show more about wad happened around me BETTER than words.. HAHA..

Ok.. so.. on Sunday.. after i post the previous post.. I went for a walk near my house there.. IN A PARK!!

They got a route called the 'Healthy Route'. So by walking along this route will help you see how much calories you have lost..
"If you have walked for 30 mins, you have alr lost around 18g of excess fats in your body, and also burn up to 162kcal! Congras! you have reached your exercise target for today.. come back again tomorow!"

How nice is this park?!
They even calculate this kind of things.. so that day i somehow lost 162Kcal.. HAHA>. woah~ lols..

They are also people fishing in there!!
So cool.. was suggesting daddy to go fishing.. then cook those fish for us.. HAHA..

At night went to rebond my hair.. and also cut my hair..
My sis said i look like those kind of woman who snatch others' husband.. WTF MAN!
lols.. anyhow say me eh.. do i look so flirty? LOLS.. now i know why i like cha cha.. HAHAHA..

OK.. i dun really like it.. i think it looks old on me? But daddy said it looks a lot neater.. A LOT>. lols.. I spend like.. erm.. 4 hours plus on this fucking hair.. but my sis say i look like mistress -.-

After that, went dinner.. Ate like a lot..
GOSH.. GOING FAT LIAO!!
But the most powerful one is my sis.. She can drink like 3 cans of herbal tea..

AND THIS IS OUR FOOD! HAHA.. so much right? This is for the 3 of us.. so many eh.. HAHA>. it cost like around 200 plus RMB.. LOLS.. so ex!

The next day, which is yesterday,
went to my new house and see..
Its really below my expectation..
And the house is like very errie.. There are like 3 storey..
And the first one is like so fucking cold..
The second one is still ok..
The third one is fucking hot.. and some room is fucking cold.
WALAO EH.. cant tahan liao..
In side always got the feeling got people looking eh..I am super strongly suggesting my mum to sell it away.. LIKE NOW?! LOLS..

Later went to beach.. HAHA..or rather a port bah..

SO NICE RIGHT?! LOLS..

OK.. now.. i wanna let you all see some funny stuff in shanghai.. or rather i find it rather interesting.. Shanghai has a lot of signboard saying no this no that.. but eventually people in there still do it.. and its like as if nobody's business.. LOLS

See wad i mean? the sign says.. NO BBBQ..
and people are setting up stalls to bbq for the people having picnic there.. LOLS..

Still got..

THe sign says " No climing over" and yet.. people are climbing..
Its as if those signs are like.. fake.. LOLS...

Ok.. back to the topics..
Of course there are some interesting pics like this one below.. lols..

It looks like a bird head from far..
It looks like tweety bird!! HAHA..

Now even China also got pyramid.. Not only France have ok?.. LOLS>. haha

And some funny fellow go put some things in this statue.. FUNNY eh..
But in another way.. this fellow is really interesting and funny.. SMART ALSO! haha..
can do this kind of things.. lols..

HAHA.. i guess this is the end of my update for yesterday..
today i gues.. i juz rot in office or maybe go for a dinner? shall see how bah.. hahahaah..

Love you all
CIAO~

Nanako

Shanghai Trip-1

2010-06-13T14:25:00.008+08:00

HIHI!!!

Finally can access to FB and Blogspot liao.. WAA.. SO HAPPY..

spend the whole morning to get accessed..

HAHA..

So if i can.. I promise to update pictures about my trip! HAHA

So.. i shall juz upload on yesterday.. my flight to Shanghai...

Its rather funny..and enjoying as well.. Cuz..... I AM FLYING WITH MY SISTER!! NO ADULTS!! haha..

Notice sth?

A grasshopper just outside of the window plane.. HAHA..

I was really praying HARD HARD for it.. who knows wad will happen to it?

Ok.. you can ignore the grasshopper and notice on the runway.. i like this scene.. too bad.. the grasshopper spoil it..

Ok.. me with my sis..YOU CAN IGNORE ME>. lols.. my face looks fucking fat here.. lols..

OK.. i look much more better down here.. haha..

Another one.. LOLS..

Anyway.. reached Shanghai like 11 plus.. texted Daddy and off we go for home..

Slept at 2 plus.. And woke up at around 8 plus?

WTF.. holiday also cannot sleep.. LOLS>.

Went office then go see doctor.. CUZ I HAVE BEEN COUGHING FOR THE PAST 2 MONTH.. wtf..

Went to one of the hospital/polyclinic to see doctor..

Used my grandma's name.. so its free.. lols.. but if without.. cost around.. hmmm.. 289RMB.. convert to SD.. should be around.. 64 plus bah.. WITH X-RAY and BLOOD TEST INCLUDED.. haha..

My blood test results.. Its all in chinese anyway..

I purposely gave out my middle finger for them to take my blood..

BUT THEY DUN WAN. they jus want my fourth finger.. wtf..

They took my blood as if dun nid money like that.. wth...

So.. based on the report, my amount of Red Blood Cell is a lot lower than normal rate...

Normal is around 3.50~5.50

Mine is like 1.51

WTF.. lols..

MCHC( Mean Cell Haemoglobin Concentration)...

Its basically about the average concentration of haemoglobin in a given volume of blood..Also a little lower than requested..

Normal is 320~362g/L

mine is 316

So still ok..

PLT(Blood Platelet)..

Required to be 100~300

Mine is like.. 316

Does that means that if i were to get myself hurt, i will heal damn fast?!

True also.. when i get my finger pickled.. very fast jiu stop bleeding le.. WOO~

WAA! this sound like i am so professional! WOO~ LOLS.. haha

My X-Ray..

Report say my lung is healthy! YEAH~~ HAHA..

Trachea Infection.. YEAH..

Medicines are given and I AM FINE!! LOLS haha

2 sets of this is given. HOPE I CAN GET WELL LIKE SOON!!!

Alright..

shall go off now.. GONNA MISS EVERYONE!! haha.. love ya all CIAO~

Lots of love

Nanako

NANAKO IS FLYING OFF!!!

2010-06-12T16:39:00.002+08:00

Yes yes..
Nanako is flying off to CHINA, SHANGHAI this time round..
But dont worry.. I will be posting interesting pictures everytime i am updating my post..

Of course, i will be missing all my DARLINGS..
And i will be shopping for you guys too.. Of course, if you nid anything from me..
Can juz mail me or leave a msg on tagboard wor!!

HAHA..

Love you guys all
Ciao~

Nanako

No emotions

2010-06-06T21:37:00.002+08:00

Maybe this could be the end of me. Recently, i feel like there isnt really a nid for me to live in this world.. What's the whole point of staying up here.. when people juz take you for granted, and many others?

When i am sad, where are you? Do you even notice? Do you even come and ask what happened? I can say, i did.... All i can say.. yes.. i do..

But do you? you said all these words in such decorative ways.. but in the end? when i nid you, where are you?

How disappointing.... to be ended up like that..

People are right.. when it comes to BGR, friendship is always the one that is being sacrified..
Now i see it.. VERY CLEARLY.....

All you see is yourself.. whether you are happy or not.. you always say others shouldnt do this and that. then how about you? Do you do it?

How disappointing..
Well, theres nth i can say now..
theres nth i can do..
All i can do and say is Good Luck in your life..
Cuz wadeva you do to others, it will go back to you..
So when anything happens, dun come and blame others..
BLAME YOURSELF...

Just leave me alone.. and rot.. and do anything i want..
From today onwards.. You go your way, whereas i go my way..
Dont ask anything from me..
Cuz eventually you will juz do it your own way..
So juz die.. and dun come back..

Lots of love,SiSi

Unhappy Incident recently

2010-05-27T07:02:00.002+08:00

Recently, a lot of unhappy incident happened...
Not only among the friends, also within my family....

And people just love to make things worse by playing some STUPID prank..
Maybe to him, its really fun,
To us, Its not..

Especially after making so many people involved...

And yet, he still dont have the sincerity to apologise..
INSTEAD, still thinks that he is not in the wrong, its juz a prank...

FURTHERMORE!
He even go around telling people that i am over-reacting..
Am i really over-reacting?
After letting everyone know, all of them think that he is in the wrong..
Whereas he still thinks he is not.. wads the big issue?

Even have to let WeiQuan to come up and say.. I promise he will come..
Do you even think you deserve it?
You said 30 mins later..
But how late are you?
around 1 hour le bah...

IF YOU ARE THAT SINCERE WITH YOU APOLOGIES..
YOU WOULD HAVE RUSHED BACK....

Weiquan even texted me now and then to make sure you at in school..
How disappointing.. You made a friends trust you...
And then disappoint them...

To Weiquan:
Sorry to drag you in guys.. didnt mean it.. HAHA..
sorry for being a little unreasonable yesterday cuz i was really pissed with that guy down there, still acting as if he is not in the wrong..

Right....
So now, you said you have apologised..
Then lets see for Kelvin's portion..

And i have to say..
There are many things, not us stepping in..
Is YOU, who did it first..
If you dont do it, I was still thinking of talking it out with her..
SO.... DONT BLAME OTHERS...
BLAME YOURSELF...

You firstly DONT TRUST..
then dun expect OTHERS to TRUST you..

You DONT RESPECT,
dun even dream of having people to RESPECT YOU...

You DONT CARE
NOW... we will also not going to care for you...

If you think this is the same prank..
One day it will get back to you..
and BY THAT TIME, Dont come and blame us..

CUZ YOU DESERVE IT....

---------------------------------------------------
Somehow dirtied my blog.. LOLS.. ok bah..
Now people think i am the evil person.. whereas the evil one is out there..
trying to pschyo more people..

GO AHEAD.
ARE YOU REALLY THAT NOBLE LIKE YOU SAID?
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
THINK BACK..

I GUESS OTHER THAN THOSE 6, THERES NTH ELSE YOU ARE GOOD AT LE BAH..
YOG? YOU ARE NOT EVEN ELIGIBLE!
CUZ YOUR PERSONALITY AND YOUR CHARACTER IS SUCKY..

I didnt said mine was good..
but his is EXTREMELY. SUPER.. ULTIMATE..

Lots of love,SiSi

Happy Birthday YAOTOME HIKARU!

2010-05-24T23:16:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YAOTOME HIKARU, the joker of HSJ!!
haha..
his groofy-ness always makes me laugh like hell. haha
Now he is.... 20 le bah.. haha.. I GUESS.. haha

Love to see him smile..
CUZ OF HIS TIGER TOOTH.. HAHA..
KAWAII..

all the best to you!!
And cant wait for your 21 to come!
HAH.. and cant wait for you go through your adult ceremony!!
HAHA

DAISUKI! GANBATTE!!
ahha

Love
Nanako

Ashita no Kikou

2010-05-24T00:59:00.001+08:00

How surprising!
This song make me feel damn touch.. and i think the lyrics is damn meaning..
ARASHI's song always make me feel damn touched.. even their shows, made me laugh when i am emo..
Love Aiba Masaki for his idiot-ness
Love Sakurai Sho for his jokes, with might be damn lame
Love Ohno Satoshi for his blurness
Love Nino for his stupid-ness
Love Matsumoto Jun for his cool-ness.. always acting cute and cool.. love them to the max..

The sunset we saw together
I wanted to make that sunset last forever
In my memories, no matter how many times I tried reached out my hand, I couldn't touch it

The same scenery and feelings
I will never be able to take it back
i keep on thinking about the past

Even the future makes the sadness overflow
I just lose myself standing there

What colours of tomorrow will be painted in the passing seasons?
As I strongly believe
If we met, what color future would be waiting for us?

Even precious memories will fade someday
I turn away from reality
I ran away from the words called dreams

Even if the hurtful, broken yesterday was my fault
It is not too late, no matter how many times I have to start over from the beginning

As years go by
I think im gonna be able to like someone again
Deeper, Deeper, as we support each other
What can I do for you?

The feelings for you that i kept on stacking
My heart has happiness and sadness, warmth and pain
the day we got together

I still have that feeling burned in my heart for sure
Ah Ah...

What colours of tomorrow will be painted in the passing seasons?
As I strongly believe
If we met, what color future would we have?

What colours of tomorrow would we paint?

it is so true.. was tearing while listening.. HAH..
how touching..

Love
Nanako

being evil

2010-05-22T10:07:00.002+08:00

Maybe like what people said, i am just some evil person...
I am so bad to someone who care for me so much..
I am so evil to someone who is so good to me..

But does anyone know my side?
Yes.. i might be bad at times..
But like kenny said.. wadeva you do, you will have a reason for it.

But what is mine?

Sometimes, i would rather, dont know about my reason..
But people would say.. FUCK yourself.. cuz this is not a valid reason...

THen what should i really do?
I am feeling lost, and now, i even lost the real meaning of love le bah..
Seeing so much....
What is love all about?

Is it to make the other half smile? or make the other half happy all the way?
I am really lost now.. can you believe it?
How pathetic am i...

And even if i explain.. would anyone wanna listen?
i doubt no one bah..
Lots of love,SiSi

What a sad week

2010-05-20T01:28:00.003+08:00

Many things happened this week..
Of course, unhappy ones.. haha.. A LOT OF IT.. gosh..
Well, i lost my wallet today.. lols
I put it in the VC room, then after all the freshies come back, GONE!
anyway.. how i hope that person would kindly juz return everything back to me.. i can give the wallet.. but the IC and the Ezlink and the POSB bank card.. PLS PLS PLS return..lols..

Anyway.. would like to give this post to 2 guys.. whom i know.. and i somehow start to DISLIKE.. or rather HATE..

1st
Mr. C

If you have a girlfriend, then pls leave my friend alone. Cuz why? Whatever you are saying, is totally not making sense, and is like cheating my friend.. you said you wanna get back.. but you alr have a gf.. wad kind of bullshit is that? Dont say the current gf is a replacement.. or dun say OH, DUN HAVE.. cuz why? this is not making sense.. no girl will actually be willing to be a replacement.. so dont say you dun have.. cuz its lying.. AND, I SAW YOU HOLDING HER HANDS THAT DAY!!!! why look away? guilty? BE GUILTY!
Since you have a gf.. then pls, juz leave my friend alone. since you have your life, why not let her carry on hers? cuz you are obviously stepping over the line sometimes....
BE LOYAL!
DUN MAKE THE SAME OLD MISTAKE.. AGAIN!!

-------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. K

Yes.. i slapped you.. Not happy? fight back! You are such a loser that i really dun know how to say.. Because of you, i am alone, without getting any team point.. HAPPY? i would rather lose that few points, i also dun want..
Why cant you juz go to the 2 guy group?
OH! I FORGOT! you are being blacklisted.. WHY AR? you should know yourself wad have you done bah..
why not be a man?
Dont keep looking looking.. cuz i aint gonna talk to you.. CUZ I DONT TALK TO GUYS WHO WILL PUNCH A GIRL! 6 TIMES SOMEMORE EH! HOW LOSER IS THAT?

hais.. nvm.. nvm.. we shall see how it goes..
ONE DAY.. you will get your karma.. and we will see how..

Above's Mr. C and Mr. K..
can be ANYONE..
Unless you admit you are the bastard.. if not, i dun nid your comment on that.. THANK YOU..~~

Lots of love,SiSi

Its still the same

2010-05-14T04:34:00.002+08:00

You always think you are the one..

Seriously.. I am now 1 year older.. But still.. you treat me as a small kid, with no respect, with no trust...

People say.. when you are grown up already, you will tend to have more trust.. and more respect..

Which means, no physical punishment or anything..

But still i get it..

Why do i still get it?

Because of bitches around my life..

Because of their words, you would always tend to blame me first..

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED...

I was studying... ended up also being scolded by you..

Whats wrong with studying?

You were the one who is fucking giving me so much stress, and yet, i am still the one getting all these shit..

Were i even the one who is wrong?

Were i even the one who is at the wrong?

All along, you are right.. And you NEVER listen to my fucking explanation..

So next time, dun bother me to let you know any fucking details of my life..

WHY?

Cuz you dun care about it..

All you care is about how you fucking think, and how you fucking want..

You are not wanting a CHILD..

YOU ARE WANTING A PUPPET OR A SLAVE, who can fulfil everything you want...

Dont fucking blame everything to dance..

Dun fucking blame everything to me being home late..

Cuz all these wun help at all..

All along, staying in school is an enjoyment for me..

WHY?

pls juz ask yourself why..

i dont take this home as a hotel..

INSTEAD, I WAN TO TAKE IT AS HOME..

but YOU FORCE me to take this as a hotel.. when i can only sleep..

WHY?

Cuz you are always not around..

I can only frankly say that, only with daddy coming back, i feel i am home..

IF NOT, ALL THESE ARE JUST NTH AT ALL..

TO ME, you are no one anymore..

You just hit away every single love i used to have for you..

Cuz you choose to believe that FUCKING BITCH at the very first beginning..

From now onwards, i am just going to believe in myself.. AND NO ONE ELSE..

Lots of love,SiSi

Happy 18th Birthday to me and Daddy..

2010-05-11T22:57:00.010+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF AND DADDY!!!

First of all.. i would like to thank Beatrice, Keng, Kelvin, Zuda, Kenny for the present.. I LOVE IT A LOT...

I also would like to thank Marcus and Weiyuan for coming over to sing the bday song for me.. HAHA..

I love the surprise.. I really do..

I was really scared when beatrice actually blindfolded me.. HAHA..

cuz i really dun know where i am heading.. But i am shocked that i can actually name where i am when i am BLINDFOLDED! HAHA>. POWER!! lols..

Anyway.....

THanks to Ning jie for drawing on my hand..

I really Cannot recognise her voice.. HAHA..

Nice right? 4 Ninja turtle with 4 different style from Ning jie.. HAHA..

Then later, had a bday surprise by all of them.. HAHA..

THey even lied that only got a slice of cake for me.. haha..

Wasnt sad or disappointed.. cuz i find it really happy already.. haha...

Next was to be in the clubhouse looking for the present.. haha..

I managed to get it.. HAHA..

But cannot open

:'( But still i managed to have fun..

I drew keng's tummy and.. ask him to dance belly dancing.. HAHA.. FUNNY! LOLS

Let's see.. haha..

SO FUNNY.. HAHA>. will be in fb.. HAHA>.

THen next, i got a chance to open my present.. And i was damn shocked..

Cuz i didnt expect them to buy me sth like that.. haha..

My reaction to it was DAMN DAMN DAMN SHOCK.. haha..

My favourite brand somemore.. HAHA..

SO HAPPY! You guys must want to see my expression like a lot.. HAHA.. Lazy to post liao.. ahha..

Link:

Anyway.. HAHA.. its damn fun today.. haha..

THANK YOU GUYS>. haha...

Later even went to Moberly to sing K.. haha..

REALLY ENJOY MYSELF..

KENG.. YOU SHALL BE NEXT!! HAHA..

-------------------------------------------------------------

Next is when i am home.. HAHA..

i had dinner.. then i went down to have do what a 18 year old person would do.. HAHA..

I WENT TO BUY BEER AND CIGARETTE!!

HAHA..

YEAH~~ FINALLY! HAHA.. LEGAL LIAO.. HAHA..

so happy.. haha..

Of course i got a present from my cousin

Make up box.. haha.. COOL RIGHT? LOLS..

From my younger sis.. haha.. SO CUTE! HAH..

Daddy and me.. making wishes.. still having ning jie's drawing on my arm.. HAHA..

I love Everyone.. HAHA..

THank you everyone for making my day so so special.. HAHA.. LOVE YOU GUYS>. MUACKS>. haha..

Lots of love..

NANAKO

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YAMADA RYOSUKE!!

2010-05-09T02:05:00.002+08:00

WOOO!!

Its YAMADA's BDAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM!!!! LOLS...

still looking cool and good..

Yamada is the first member i ever like in HSJ... or rather.. HS7, with Takaki, Chinen, Yuto and Daiki...

HE IS STILL THE BEST!!!!!

AND I STILL LOVE HIM.. MORE AND MORE.. DAY BY DAY!!!

Yamada-kun!!! GANBATTE... ZUTTO DAISUKI YO~~~~

lets see more of his pics then.. HAH..t hen yo uwill know why i love him to the core liao.. lols..

Even his smile is so breath-taking.. GOSH!

He looks so cute with the dog! HAHA.. as cute as the dog!!!

GOT THE SEH LUH! HAHA.. SHUAI DAO!!! GOSH!

haha

*nose bleed*

haha..

STILL.. OTANJOUBI!!!

officially 17 le!! HAHA>.

Lots of love,SiSi

Ridiculous

2010-05-08T19:27:00.002+08:00

Recently many incidents happened around.. and it really makes me have a great laugh over it.. HAHA..

Well, it consist of Mr. A, Mr. G(who is the main character of this post) == you should know who is it.. i am not going to say.. LOLS....

Didnt want to say it here.. but i am just TOO BORED.. and i really have nothing to write.. so i decided to write a LONG LONG post up here.. so that i can have a good laugh about it.. LOLS...

1. People minding others business and ended up accusing others for minding his business

You must be wondering what i am trying to say... Its actually about something that happened like just a day ago... A friend of mine, was "engaged" to another friend of mine.. on FB, just for the fun of it. And we were still joking over it, saying one betrayed me and stuff... Afterwards, I saw something that cannot make me STFU.. LOLS.. in fact, it made me want to rebut for my friend... Yes.. its indeed not my problem.. but who is willing to see a friend get insulted like that?

"eeeek... how could u even consider her... eeeeek" and "XXXXXX eh is that her name shld be ba.."

Is this what you consider as respect? It might be a joke for you.. But for others, it is an insult.. DUN say we cannot take jokes.. Then how about you? You cant take up jokes too.. You always get so fed up when people were to make a joke out of you.. I can say that you are the ultimate "L"....

When i decided to let it go off.. you came up and say its me who started all these.. WAD A JOKE!!!!

2. When people have no facts, they start to use insulting words and vulgarities to shoot you

This is really very very true.. seriously.. People start to talk fact, whereas our BELOVED Mr. A and Mr. G starts to use words thats really insulting.. LOLS..

Well..... i just have to say that.. you guys made me day a lot interesting.. THANK YOU^^

And this also made me see that how "L" you guys are..

3. People just think that they are nice when actually they are not.. and they NEVER realise it..

I am not trying to say how good I am.. Nobody's perfect.. I have to say.. But at least when someone were to rebut me.. I will reflect and think have i done something wrong.. If i didnt, i will just ignore it.. If i do, i will change.. thats how people should be..

But for Mr. A and Mr. G, they dont!

People are leaving their group.. Yet they still think they are the best..

HEY! WAKE UP!

If you guys were THAT GOOD, why are people separating from you guys?!

GOSH.. wad a cruel fact..

For me.. I am not perfect.. But at least i treat people like how people should be treated..

OH! and.. Seriously.. you guys really think you are that charming and that nice? -.- pls.. why not get a CCA.. and see how many of them can you guys actually get along with..

You ask me to look into the mirror last night..

i did..

Now its your turn^^

Maybe by getting a CCA, and see if you will start to complain about the people in there.. OR you will start to have more friends.. EVEN MUCH MORE THAN ME.. lols..

OK... Well, To Mr. A and Mr. G.. i didnt say who you are.. it could be anyone.. unless you admit you are one.. so dun get all worked up and start to blabber rubbish.. LOLS.. cuz there are so many people in the world with the name starting A and G.. lols.. ahha..

----------------------------------------------------

OKOK.. enough liao.. HAHA>. last night and this morning, i just really had a big big laugh at it.. LOLS.. how exciting.. HAHA..

shall share more this kind of things.. LOLS>. haha..

Lots of love,SiSi

Realised

2010-05-06T11:29:00.002+08:00

I juz find this post damn true.. haha....

A guy had a crush on this girl. He follows her wherever she goes. One day, the girl noticed and asked the guy:

Girl:

Why do you keep on following me?

Boy:

Because you are so pretty and i think i am falling in love with you.

Girl:

Really? Bu you havent met my friend yet. she is prettier than me and she is right behind you.

Boy:

(Looks behind him but found no one)

Are you making fun of me? THere's no one behind me.

Girl:

No. but if you really love me, you wont look back.

I just find this really true..

How many times, does guys come over to get your number because you are pretty?

Most people are just in the looks-society...

If he really do love you, he will only think you are the prettiest person in the world..

and you will be the one and only person in his eyes.. and heart...

Lots of love,SiSi

Fuck it...

2010-05-04T12:54:00.002+08:00

Do you even care how i feel?

All along, I am someone whom can play along with jokes..
i am not a sore loser..
but this is juz too much...

I am just playing.. and having fun...
And you say that i am doing something else..

And ended up, even webcam it..
how fun!

Do you even respect me?
You think i am live porn ar.. can show to anyone, anytime is it?
And you call that A JOKE?

So how about i do that to you?
Wad would you say?
YOU WILL SAY 'NABEH!'
right? dun deny...

you will be unhappy as well..
then? why are you still doin that to me?

So wad if she is my good friend?
Does that means that you can dun respect me?

All along, when you are with her, you can hug her, be close to her with all you want, and i cannot comment on anything.. i have to keep quiet and just suffer in the awkwardness..
no matter how many times i have told you about it..
YOU FUCKING WUN GIVE A DAMN!

So now, when i am with him, you alone, you want to say you are jealous?
All i can say is.. YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT!!!

Cuz you dun respect others.. you dun fucking deserve a respect back to you...
No matter how many times i told you, you will never listen...

yeah.. good luck then...
And stop acting that you dun care.. Cuz that sickening attitude is seriously pissing me off...

Lots of love,SiSi

BIRTHDAY BIRTHDAY!!

2010-05-01T16:15:00.002+08:00

BIRTHDAY IS COMING!! YEAH!! SO HAPPY!

HAHA......

Welll.. welll.. well..

HAHA

there are a lot LOT LOT of things i want!!!!

1. HAPPY FOREVER WITH MY DEAREST DEAREST BEATRICE!!!!

2. Able to get my hair dyed- still begging mummy about it... damn it!

3. WANS A COOL HEELS!!!!!!

4. WANS A DECENT DANCE PARTNER FOR LATIN!!!!!

5. WANS TO SCORE WELL IN EXAMS!!!

6. WANS TO GET A COOL OUTFIT...

7. WANS TO CUT DOWN SOME FATS!!

8. WANS TO GET A COOL BAG!!!

9. wans a hot and cool boyfriend.. hahaha..jkjk.... if it will come

Anyway.. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS!!! HAHA.....

Cannot wait.. haha.. 18th eh! haha..

but i think its going to be a boring one..cuz its during school days?

Hais.. sad ar..

this sems so busy and hectic.. haha..

BUT I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!! HAHA...

MUACKS!

Lots of love,SiSi

How disappointing

2010-04-29T12:27:00.002+08:00

I thought you will care for how i feel...

Cuz i do...

Becuz of you, i did lessen my interactions with guys behind you..

but do you know?

You dun..

All you see and think is very different...

I told you frankly that i am inconfident, insecure..

You reply me, tellin me you understand...

You will try..

But do you?

I did see you change.. i do..

juz that i dun say it out..

But now, you still do it..

But will you let me know?

I guess you wun bah..

Spend the whole of last night thinking..

Why do you have to do that?

Does chatting with girls make you so happy?

Even if you do so, will you even let me know?

I do.. I can say i do..

But do you?

And aftermath...

What did you do?

You choose to ignore.. You choose to let it be..

I know i did push you away.. But i am really pissed..

SO you also dun give a damn to explain?

Now even a sms to explain everything out?

I guess, you will juz let it be bah..

Then juz let it be..

I guess this will be the last time i am going to fall into this..

I dun wan to get stabbed in the heart again..

It really hurts a lot a lot..

Do you feel it?

Lots of love,SiSi

Have fun with life

2010-04-23T17:20:00.002+08:00

I am trying to have fun with life.. But my life just sucks to a certain extend..

I hate it.....

The whole day of today is totally bad and unlucky..

1. 7am, May forgets to wake me up.

2. 7.15am, slipped and fell while showering

3. 7.35am, missed the bus to MRT station, had to wait a very long time

4. 8.10am, was late for class and ended up being left out of class for 5 minutes.

5. 10am, not happy with XXXX....

6. 11am, nearly tripped while on the stairs

7. 1130am, dog bit me on my heel

8. 12nn, went out of the house to get the hp done,ended up, pissed off

9. 1pm, got bowl smashed.

10. 2pm, slipped and fell outside of the batheroom

11. 3pm, reach school thinks that lecture is wtf..

Now, is wondering wad has she done wrong..

All the while, i know today's tone wasnt so good.. becuz lots of fucked up things happened..

other than that i know i didnt do anything wrong..

But, she is angry with me..

which i really dun know why..

She text me random stuffs.. but when i ask her questions, she jus ignored me..

She said she is pissed off with me.. and wad i have done..

But wad have i done?

I dont know.. i guess i will never know?

I juz wanna talk things out.. no matter wad happened,not caring if its a fight in the end..

Now i am in the lost..

hais..

Nvm bah.. maybe i juz let it be for a while.. since she said tomorrow will be fine..

Lots of love

SiSi

Hannah Montana - The movie: "You'll always find your way back home" musi...

2010-04-20T01:29:00.000+08:00

Love the lyrics.. HAHA..

Everything will always get back to the original..

HHAA..

find my way back home.. is the best way.. lols..

You can juz change everything that is outer.. and then bring the inner side of you out.. lols...

Lots of love,
SiSi

First Day of School

2010-04-19T20:02:00.002+08:00

YEAH~ School juz started and its our first time to have lesson in LT!

HAHA.. beatrice came over for crash course.. LOLS.. ended up the lecturer came for like dun know how long late..

Well.. skip the whole part.. Today we managed to sort things out..

But i have to be frank that.. i cannot in my 100% trust..

All i can do is to give another chance.. but I didnt put in much hope.. cuz who knows wad will happened..

if i put in too much hope.. and ended up nth.. i think i will really juz jump down the building or i am going to go single for the rest of my fucking life..

Cuz wads the point? in the end all the same.. thats totally very sad and very depressing..

Anyway.. was happy tat i managed to get BIOLOGY for fris tlesson today! HAHA.. happy happy~

Lots of love,
SiSi

HeartBroken

2010-04-19T01:36:00.003+08:00

I guess that i have tried hard enough..

I am tired.. and heartbroken..

You said that you still like me like the past..but you are still doubting..

What's to doubt about?

If you were to really wanna scandal with her.. then go bah..

I know you arent planning sth cuz you dun wan to..

But if you wan to, will you?

All along, you said.. i like you.. i do..

but i still have doubts..

what are the doubts you have?

Like means like.. dont means dont..

Why do you wanna put it hanging down there?

You said you are hurt..

Where is it?

All along.. i see myself crying for you..

Always..

I dont mind crying.. but if you were to give me security and show that you still like me like in the past, would be good enough..

BEatrice said i should give you motivation..

But where is mine?

Where is the motivation to make me keep liking you?

All i see is... nothing.. ended up. both of us are hurt..

And now, you choose to run away, make me be alone in the questions given..

Let me marinate in these kind of torturement and pain..

so now you are deep in your sweet dreams when i am sick and in pain..

How painful is that?

I am sick, I am tired..

And i am not feeling well.. and you are just adding into the whole thing..

Well Done..

Maybe tomorrow.. you can just bring a knife and stab me at my heart to stop all these bah..

Lots of love,
SiSi

Happy birthday Arioka Daiki

2010-04-15T23:47:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST ARIOKA DAIKI KUN!!!

He is 19 years old now!

Dont know if he will be going to uni or not.. BUT I STILL HOPE HE WLL BE SMILING HAPPILY!!!

HAha.. love his smile ever since i saw Yamada-kun.. haha..How i hope he is going to Meiji juz like Inoo Kei.. HHAHA..

KAKKOI NE?

OTANJOUBI OMEDETOU!!

LOVE YOU TO THE HIGHEST!!!

Lots of love,
SiSi

2010-04-14T12:29:00.002+08:00

我想，这就是我吧。

现在，连我自己都没有办法摸透我自己。

因为连我自己都在徘徊。

如果我有自己的方向，或许我就不会这样了。。

空空荡荡的心，是寂寞的。

可是，你可以填补我心里的空洞吗？

Lots of love,
SiSi

Do you know?

2010-04-14T11:50:00.003+08:00

Do you know how does it feel when couples can be together openly outside?

Do you know how does it feel when i am always the one trying?

Do you know how does it feel when you were always " i am ok with it" to me?

Do you know how does it feel when i see coldness in your eyes or from your tone?

All these were juz like knives stabbing into my heart..

Am i that shameful that you dont dare to make me your official?

Am i being cheap to always trying to love you?

Am i really that OK to you? or you juz dun care?

Am i really supposed to be treated that way?

All these were in my head last night..

Couldnt get to sleep..

Yes.. I have to agree..

I am close to guys.. and in fact most of the friends.. are guys..

Just like you.. your friend group is all girls..

Because of you, i did cut down on guys around me..

I didnt hug guys.. I didnt become close to any.. i even stop talking to them bah...

Thats the only thing i can promise that i have done

Only when we werent together anymore, i get back to the old me..

But cuz of this.. you werent changing anymore..

I tried to be myself in front of you..

But it seems that you cannot accept it.. but you doesnt wanna let me know..

All the time, i am guessing what you are thinking..

Wae=deva i can do... i can try.. i have done it.

In the end.. i am the one who is hurt.. and no one is there for my tears..

So i made a promise to myself.. that i will not cry.. for guys..

Because the more i cry.. the more i cant do things well..

Thats why.. i am so cold blooded..

You thought i dont care.. but insdie me.. theres a lot of things you wun know.. but others know..

Because i dont know how to share to you when you are always cold..

You think that.. close friends will leave you someday..

so you wun trust..

Do you know how sad i was when i heard this?

So you dun trust me cuz i will leave you one day too?

I guess this is why you dun wanna tell me things bah..

No matter how much i have tried.. you will also not trust me..

I am tired..really tired..

I no longer know what to do already..

Being myself.. will bring us no where..

the only thing i can do is.. to change..

Only when i change.. everything can work..

i guess all along i am the one who is creating all the troubles..

All along its me who does everything that made people dislike me..

Maybe changing.. will change many things..

But what will i change to?

Will i adapt to the new me?

Questions are always there..

How i hope i can change my heart.. so that i cannot feel anything..

no matter how many setback.. i will also feel anything..

how i wish

Lots of love,

SiSi

Whats the point?

2010-04-12T01:54:00.002+08:00

Beatrice talk about siding issue today..

Thinking back.. FRANKLY SPEAKING..

He.. didnt side me at all...

SERIOUSLY..

My cousin accused me.. he stood on her side, trying to say her POV.. then wad about mine?

My classmate said sth.. he stood on that person side.. what about me?

Many times.. i told him about what happened, ended up.. I get lectured.. so do you think i still wanna tell you things or share you my things? cuz wad do i get?

LECTURES...

seriously, i dun nid them.. cuz i know wads happening and.. i know the right thing to solve it..

sharing you my problem, doesnt really change how i think.. i am juz doing as wad i have promised...

But really, i would rather talk to someone who will side me, be there for me, support me..

THAN SOMEONE WHO WILL ONLY LECTURE ME...

cuz i fucking dun nid the lectures.. lols..

hope that.. will just stop it.. cuz is like.. why can you juz side me for once.. no matter if i am right or wrong? you wun die right?

Lots of love,
SiSi

17 Year and 11 mth!

2010-04-11T01:13:00.002+08:00

YEAH~~~ There is still like 1 more month before MAY 11 comes.

I am 17 YEARS 11MONTHS OLD!!!!

cannot wait for the last month to come! HAHA..

there are like a lot of things that i wanna fulfil.. HAH..

May 11 is like.. the shortest day..

I got like a lot of things to do.. so people better dun ruin my day.. if not..t hat person will fucking get it from me.. lols

anyway...

WISHES!!!

people better start saving money for my SPECIAL DAY!

1. Heels ( Cool style)

2. New miniskirt

3. Tank top

4. Bag

5. MP3

6. Earrings

7. Braclet

8. A lot a lot of happiness too!

HAHA..

Lots of love,

SiSi

If you were justice enough

2010-04-08T18:59:00.002+08:00

Everytime, when it comes to that BITCH, you would blame me for it..

YES! MY FAULT.. MY FUCKING FAULT..

You want to learn from me, you want.. You tell me..

YOU FUCKING TELL ME!

if you dont want to tell me.. and you FUCKING expect me to teach you just like that..

DREAM ON!

I am not a BEGGAR that i would beg you for money.. FUCKING DREAM ON!!

So.. if i were to take you MY STUDENT, you better pray more..

CUZ... is either.. I AM NOT GOING TO TEACH... or....

I AM GOING TO TEACH ANYHOW..

WHY?!~

CUZ.... I hate you to the core!!!

YOU ARE STUPID...= you cannot even get top for chinese.. WHEN YOU ARE A CHINESE FROM CHINA...

how shameful?

YOU ARE SOMEONE WHOM HAS TOTAL NO SHAME= you think all guys love you? yeah right.. they are just fucking making fun of you.. WHY? CUZ.. you are a bitch.. FUCKING BITCH..

YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO IS SO FAKE= YOU just love to act cute.. Make irritating sound.. ITS NOT CUTE AT ALL... ITS JUST IRRITATING.. FUCKING IRRITATING.

SHAMELESS BITCH....

YOU JUST LOVE TO ACT INNOCENT SO MUCH RIGHT?

FINE.. WANNA PLAY?

I PLAY WITH YOU..

GOOD LUCK.. BETTER GO GUAN YIN TEMPLE OFTEN..

Lots of love,

SiSi

MORIMOTO BIRTHDAY!

2010-04-06T18:42:00.004+08:00

Its our youngest member from HSJ's bday!

He is getting taller and taller..

GROW TALLER THAN DAI-CHAN NE?~

you are getting cooler as well!

HAHA

GANBATTE~

I will always support you! LIttle handsome^^

Lots of love,
SiSi

2010-03-28T23:46:00.003+08:00

你以为，这一切，都是我要的

你以为，这一切，都是我渴望的

你以为，这一切，都是我希望的。

那么，你就错了。

没有一个人会想要这样的结局

可是，如果不这么做，你会珍惜，会爱惜吗？

对你来说，我只是你的工具。

对你来说，别人有，你也要有而已

如果是这样，我想也没有必要了。

不管我在怎么努力，答案和结局都会是一样的。

我的努力和付出，你只会当成那是我应该的。

不要说你没有。因为我自己感觉到了。

你的没有，只是想让我知道你还想继续。

所以，现在，靠你了。

如果我感觉得到，那么，我们就继续吧。

或许，这会是你和我唯一的一条路。

也是最快乐的一条。

Lots of love,
SiSi

OTANJOUBI TAKAKI!

2010-03-26T22:51:00.003+08:00

Today.... is TAKAKI YUYA'S HAPPY BDAY!!!

御誕生日おめでとう、高木君

He is still so cool and handsome.. and pretty as well!!

HAHA

LOVE HIM TO THE MAX MAX!

HAHA..

He is just so cool in Gokusen..

And when he is in the Hitomi no Screen's PV..

KAKKOI!!

AISHITERU YO!!!!

haha

Love you and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

You are... 20 this year.. ne?!

Lots of love,

SiSi

FUCK YOU

2010-03-26T18:49:00.002+08:00

FUCK YOU VERY MUCH!

It must be damn stupid of me to believe in you again..

I am not going to believe in you AGAIN..

why?

Cuz you promise you would change..

you didnt.. thats the first time..

You ask for a chance to change.. I GAVE IT TO YOU...

You promise again that you would change..

You didnt again... you ask for another chance..

I GAVE IT TO YOU!!

And then i decided that i dun wanna trust you again..

You promise that you will make me trust you...

YOU DIDNT.. AGAIN!

Just one week again.. AGAIN!

Today another one..

You promised that yo uwill keep it a secret..

AND NOW?

NONE..

You say it out..

So your promise are all just bull-shitting..

Dun tell me to give you another chance..

NO MORE

this is my limit.. and thats it..

I am not going to trust you..

And i must be really STUPID to give you so many chance..

YES.. TRUST YOU..

trust you to betray me AGAIN AND AGAIN....

FUCKER.. SUCKER..

Lots of love,
SiSi

HSJ CONCERT!

2010-03-20T20:49:00.005+08:00

WOAH! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!

会場	公演日	開演時間
[東京]国立代々木競技場第一体育館＜JR【原宿駅】より徒歩約5分＞＜東京メトロ千代田線【明治神宮前駅】より徒歩約5分＞	4/2(金)	17:00
	4/3(土)	16:00
	4/4(日)	12:00
	4/4(日)	16:00
[名古屋]日本ガイシスポーツプラザガイシホール＜JR東海道本線【笠寺駅】より徒歩約3分＞＜名鉄本線【本笠寺駅】より徒歩約15分＞＜名鉄常滑線【大江駅】より徒歩約15分＞	4/24(土)	17:30
	4/25(日)	11:00 （追加公演）
	4/25(日)	15:00
横浜アリーナ＜JR横浜線・市営地下鉄【新横浜駅】より徒歩5分＞	5/2(日)	16:00
	5/3(月・祝)	12:00
	5/3(月・祝)	16:00
	5/4(火・祝)	12:00
	5/4(火・祝)	16:00
	5/5(水・祝)	12:00
京セラドーム大阪＜JR大阪環状線【大正駅】より徒歩約7分＞＜地下鉄長堀鶴見緑地線【ドーム前千代崎駅】より徒歩すぐ＞＜地下鉄中央線【九条駅】より徒歩約9分＞	5/16(日)	17:00

GOSH!! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! OMG!! HAH..

my JUMPies are going to have their spring concert again!

WOAH!

I cannot believe luh!

April!!

GOSH.. i feel like flying back to japan and juz go the concert..

Hmm.. See how!! HAHA..

anyway...

I MIGHT BE OPENING A FB account for the JUMPS.. with all the translation and stuff.. muhahaha.. nice.. lols..

Hmm see how luh!

GOSH! SO EXCITED NOW!!! LOLS

Lots of love,
SiSi

Camwhore

2010-03-20T14:52:00.002+08:00

Has been really bored recently.. cuz its HOLIDAY!

And now i start to love school.. seriously.. its contradicting when you are in school.. you cant wait for holidays..

And when you are in holidays. you cant wait for classes to start soon..

For me.. I am more concerned about how will my result goes.. I am so so worried for my materials.. I think i am going to fail like pretty soon.. LOLS.. or rather.. failing.. LOLS..

SO!

Camwhore a little, with some change of the hairstyle.. LOLS..

My original hairstyle.. HAHA..

Followed by.. hmm.. i wanted a jappie look with this style.. but somehow failed.. but i still think its pretty nice though.. haha..

HAHA.. i think its nice.. hahaha..

and followed by 2 pig tails.. i think this is the cutest among the all of the pics i took.. LOLS..

Can try luh.. haha

The hair looks rather thin in there.. haha..

Wanna a kiss? MUACKS!

Sry.. in sleeping gown.. haha.. Snoppy one somemore.. ahha

This pic looks super not like me..

I dun kow why.. and dun ask me the reason why also.. haha..

So YEAH~

haha..

I really think i cute eh.. haha..

But.. i really need to lose weight as well...

SO!

I WAN GOING TO GENTING!!

With Ajit, Pris, Keng, Beatrice, Monica!

OH! and Galindo also.. haha..

cannot believe my mum actually allow me to go.. WA.. SO HAPPY LUH!

and its next tuesday..

Beatrice and me were so happy till we dun know wad to wear alr.. lols..

anyway..

I hope this genting trip would be a happy and nice one..

although i have made a decision.. but i still hope that my decision would make the people around me to be sad or wadeva.. i juz wanna everyone around me to be happy and stuff..

LOLS

cuz recently.. i am very troubled and sad..

Thanks to keng and beatrice..

i am able to know what i want..

Envies will forever be there..but i guess.. this might be the best way to deal with the issue..

Cuz.. no matter how many chances i give.. I will still ended up in disappointment..

And making myself hurt again..

All along.. i have been thinking too much about others..

I guess.. its time. to let go.. and think about myself..

I never think of what have to be done..

I am only thinking about how i can do things for others..

But i dont know my direction.. I will never be able to do things for others..

So.. i guess i shall listen to my brain.. and decide logically.. and do things on my own..

because.. rely.. always ended up nothing.. this is the conclusion.. and this is the only thing i can do.. or say..

Lots of love,
SiSi

Princess Confessions

Needa vomit it out

Goodbye to 2011, Hello to 2012

Christmas WISHES!!!

Things just like to add on more and more

Updates PART 2

Updates.... PART 1 *if you wanna know more*

updates

Life without you

Learning to let you go..

worship in Singapore life church

I need a NEW LIFE

Failure and stand back up

I M BACK!!

失落

Why is so many things happening now?

HSJ are all safe

Please be safe...

Never gonna trust you EVER AGAIN

BACK BACK~

Disappointment ar...

My feelings.. is it even being noticed?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Unhappiness

Christmas in SLC

Big changes in my life, Big different

Mug mug mug for the last time XD

Long Time Post..

Maybe i am juz a BITCH!!!!

How to do it? Will i succeed?

我的心，你看得到吗？

感觉，想法，思考

Disappointing...

FUCKING PISSED OFF!

外公，你会来接我吗？

天突然变灰了？

This is seriously getting no where

梁静如 听不到

First KPOP dance competition....

Trust

MY HAIR!!!

我到底怎么了？

Love.... or not....

Exam Period

苦茶

What is wrong with me again?

I have nothing to lose

自私的自己

Stressed.. Exams coming!!

港湾

Whats the problem?

I will love you forever

I HATE LIFE

放弃

Boredom building in...

What is right, What is wrong

Peace

Think, thought, thought

失落和伤心

BOREDOM

You think you are the RIGHT one?

Disappointment

梁靜茹 - 接受 MV

First Tme

Will you really feel sorry

Shanghai Trip-2

Shanghai Trip-1

NANAKO IS FLYING OFF!!!

No emotions

Unhappy Incident recently

Happy Birthday YAOTOME HIKARU!

Ashita no Kikou

being evil

What a sad week

Its still the same

Happy 18th Birthday to me and Daddy..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YAMADA RYOSUKE!!

Ridiculous

Realised

Fuck it...

Updates.... PART 1 if you wanna know more

梁静如听不到